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Archive for 'FaceBook Fhrases'

Facebook Fhrases (kin to the Darwin Awards?)

January 19, 2013 by , under FaceBook Fhrases.

 

 or …

 

????????????

 

 

I’m on Facebook.  I read things.  Some leave me speechless. If words are not captured and saved, they vanish.  Some people might wish they did… not all… but some.

I’ve begun an ongoing, new category.  The following are exact copy-and-paste quotations. 

Here we go:

 

====================================================

 

“I just saw the nastyiest innopropriate porno video on you tube. What the fuck?”

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“Many people think of freedom as a physical sense of being a slave a baby captivated when you become free unit out of tattoo you can somewhat do what you want to do.”

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I have learned TWO valuable things about the advertising business over the last 13 years.
1. Don’t tell everything you have learned.
2.

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“Political Correctness” is anything but.

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I’ve been a very busy librarian all week; I have no energy to fact check this shit.

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“Okay, I think I’ll go over to ‘Pinterest’ and be conflicted over food vs diet vs exercise vs living naturally vs beautiful uncomfortable shoes vs difficult to maintain natural hair dos vs equality except when I don’t want it…”

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(signed) “Assitant Professor at Univiersity of Florida

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“OR is it a front so Male Employers can find out which of the hot chicks in his office he can fool around with? Seriously, think about it. They are manitpulation a law so they can have protected sex on the sly. “look honey, just do it with me, and I want report you to the law for using the bcp for NON MEDICAL REASONS” It’s state rape from another angle”

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“RULE #2:  NEVER make food intended for input look like output.”

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“Stupid. And llike much that is stupid, based on illusion, the fastasy of dispair.”

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“Trust no one.  Go with the odds.”

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‎”Here’s a box full of little paper licky-sticky gold stars, Billy! Put them where you like. I’m sure you’ll deserve all of them by the end of the day anyhow!!”

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“I remember when I was told that if you sleep on books, you absorb their knowledge.  Well, NOW I sleep with books under my PILLOW.  In the old days, I slept with them under my butt.  I was a real smart ass.”

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“I personally think that this chair is ergonomics and comfy. However when I bough this type of chair for my previous office, I received backpain complains from many user.”

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“ya me eather i think we r just as coniferous as the plants LOL:)”

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“Man if I knew now what I knew than things could of been so different damn that makes sence and I don’t no why lol”

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“If you want to kill a Revolution in America, make it fashionable.”

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“I think a sarcastic vegan is like a Hummer-driving Unitarian. It’s just not Right. Seriously.”

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“so I believe my house is haunted.On randmond nights I here radio noise and music.Its real I hear it.I often feel I see a women in her 40 with an apron watching me.But the music is real it’s weird..I toallly hear it.Leyts see what tonight brings. and by the way the guy that lived here before me opprated a hand radio from my basement which is right under my bed….. Random nights [ i was tispys but i really do hear it!”

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“Your to pretty… >.<“

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“Oh hey my tatas are small enough that I dont HAVE TO WEAR A BRA! SUCCESS!!!!!”

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“I haven’t seen Pee Wee since He was molstering Kids or jerking off at the show. Long time ago.”

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“DEB I AM WITH YOU ON THIS ONE LOL MAX I HAVE SOME PALS WITH CANCER”

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“Remember when we were nostalgic? I miss those days. They were much better than now.”

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“I mean we had slavery, segregation, the halocaust, women couldn’t vote at one point, abortion was illegal. What the fuck?”

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“NEVER count your chickens ’til they’re hatched, survived the diseases of youth, grown into adults, and repeatedly shown they can escape the fox.”

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“You don’t understand. Two political parties don’t exist for your freedom of choice, they exist to keep you divided.”

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“awesome – irs comforting know that matter what life will never awesomi this picture.”

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“There’s a reason why racist and republican both start with an “R.”

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“Lala, the 10 year old King Penguin is so smart – he walks to the fish store with her little backpack to shop for fresh fish everyday.”

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“I hope you all have a save and happy “New Year” 2011…..”

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“Phil keep the knowlage coming i`m, loveing it.Teach my brother,Teach!”

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“you gotta check this out if we make this work it will change our lives this is all you’ll need to get started there should be a collage course on this program its so successful”

and, from the same brilliant writer:

“this program has came into my life to change it for the better i am much more productive through out my day now this is defiantly something you must check out theres no age required for this job”

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“The most powerful thing you’ll ever be is an Example.”

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“The thing about written language is you need to 1) read it, 2) try to comprehend it, and 3) save reactions until you’re sure you comprehend it.”

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“And the mystery pooper is…..Rocky.”

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“The reason there are old person communities is because they all join up to serve as one complete memory bank.”

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“soon we’ll be all breathin’ out of tanks, if somethin’ ain’t done about the squank”

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“You get to say the best things in all sincerty as a toddler parent: ‘we don’t pee on our princesses, do we?” and “I guess I didn’t specify that we don’t poop on our princesses'”

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“It’s sticking! The snow is actually sticking here…”

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“Shhh don’t tell but it was ME who called the cops on the neighbors last night. Gosh, I never thought I’d be THAT person. I’s must be alls growed up-ed.”

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“I feel angry that she had to go through all of that media mess over herdtupid husband.”

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“I cannot wait for you to visit me and work and blow your paycheck with me. I will set aside all of the largest anal douches we have for you.”

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“i havnt hecked mine in god knows how long.”

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“Sux not to be 20 and made of rubber and springs.”

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“It’s like he trys to understand love though out the years of his life and is trying to share it with us.”

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“I’ve been sitting here for TWO HOURS and nothing exciting has happened to me! Am I using the wrong program?”

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“Silent gratitude isn’t of much use to anyone.”

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“what are the steps that lead you to being okay with peeing in a bus shelter in the middle of the day?”

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“I’m old enough to have experience and emotion identification ingrained in me, but for someone 15, who may have never known the world as anything BUT digital, “Friend” must have a very different ring… and I fear for these people.
The only antidote: Parenting.”

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“usually a guy has to buy me dinner before he pats me down!”

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…..”We seldem think life is drawing without an eraser” …..

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“Ah that was some great Full Beaver, up above in all its glory, looking down on me, smiling. You just don’t get good moon like that every month.”

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“I’m determined to survive, with you.”

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“manners aren’t new, but unfortunately there are FAR too many people who seem to remember to use them.”

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“ot would be awesome if everything in my life just happened to fall together in the right place and mke me a millionare like forest gumps”

 

.
.
.
.
.

 

And Amen.

 

 

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