Archive for 'Fear of Antiques'

I swear to god it’s contagious

April 22, 2011 by , under Fear of Antiques.

 

A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar….
No, wait…

A guy walks into FUTURES Antiques:

He asks the shop owner “Do you do free appraisals?”
The shop owner says “No.”
“You know anyone who does?”
“What? FREE appraisals?”
“Yeh.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because NOTHING is ‘Free’.”
“…I just want you to look at some pictures…”
“But why?”
“Well, because I don’t know anything about them.”
“So you need research? You need advice? You need Knowledge?”
“Yeh!”
“You could buy a bunch of books and study them…”
“I don’t have the time for that, and books cost too much.”
I said “My fee is fifty dollars an hour, and I’m a good deal. I’ve taken the time, and I’ve spent the money.”
He said “You mean it could take an HOUR?” That’s all he heard: “hour”.
“It could take DAYS! WEEKS!! I’ve no idea what you have or what sort of research will be required!” I stared at him, raised my eyebrows, and shrugged my shoulders. I thought we were at the end of the thought. I thought wrong. He mumbled something about his wife, and left.

A minute later the wife came in, carrying their Things. He followed. Apparently she’s his Big Gun. They walked up to my desk, laid the stuff on my desk (!), and, by doing this, they were saying: “We’re not going to take ‘no’ as an answer, and we DO want free advice.”

Despite my headache, I wasn’t in a brow-beaten, bad mood, so I allowed this to happen. I felt like doing a little teaching AND gnawing on someone. They fit the bill.

She didn’t hear the former conversation, and began treading old territory…

I give a small sigh, and said… “You can either pay a professional to do it, or you can do it yourself, but ethically you cannot have the SAME professional do both the appraising and the buying… nor is it a wise approach from your viewpoint.”
(All she heard was “nor”, “wise”, and “your”.) “Why?”
“Because if I wanted your stuff, and I was the least bit unethical, what would I do?” I stared at them, and waited…
They both thought and I waited.
“You would………………………………… give us a too-low price.”
“Bingo!”
They thought a little more. “Well, why are there ads in the yellow pages advertising ‘free’ appraisals?”
“I’ll bet YOU can answer that question…” (Just LISTEN to my Optimism bubbling over!)
They thought again. “……………………… because… they might WANT my stuff… and they want me to DELIVER it… and they want it at a too-low PRICE?”
“Of course! Look… you have two choices: Pay a professional to do it for you, or do your own homework – unless you don’t care about the stuff or how much you get for it… and if THAT’S the case, WHY are you driving around spending all this gasoline money – and your time – asking me – and, I assume, others – for a ‘free appraisal’? You’re clearly trying to save money AND make money… Well, guess what? I’m a professional and I want to be paid for MY work too……………. DON’T YOU?”
“Sure!”
“Would you walk into a lawyer’s office and say ‘I want you to draw up a Will for me and I want it done for free’?”
“NO!”
“Would you walk onto a car lot and say “I want THIS car, and I want it for free?”
“No.”
“There you go. But you did it HERE! Now let me tell you something: TODAY I’m in a good mood and that makes you lucky… because walking into someone’s business – ANY business – ANTIQUES INCLUDED – and asking for, let alone expecting, free work or inventory isn’t just INSULTING, it’s RIDICULOUS! It shows you haven’t thought about this long enough to even BE thoughtful, let alone considerate or respectful. It shows me you have a bad case of ‘Antiques Roadshow Fever’. You’ve already been conned by your unwillingness to think, AND television, and you’re willing to put yourself in a precarious position.”
They thought. They grunted. “Huh.”
I raised my eyebrows.
She said “But these things are OLD. My grandma had them.”
(“It’s just not sinking in with these people!”) “Was your grandma chained to her house or banned from buying new things?”

“NO!”
“Then why does BEING old mean you have ONLY old stuff?”
Again the long-awaited “…………………………………………………………….huh.”
“Look, I KNOW what you’re processing right now. You’re trying to decide if I’m an ass or a blessing or somehow both at the same time. But the bottom line is I have given you the truth and a reality check. You can go to every antiques shop in town and ask them too, but I’ve ALREADY given you useful, FREE advice AND time. Use it or lose it.” I smiled, and lowered my eyebrows.
I think they were shell-shocked but maybe this will turn into a moment they can use… I hope so. I really do…

…or maybe it’s just a remaining Ember of Optimism blown back to a spark from their hot air… an ember I had to reheat every day, year after year, when I taught students in the class rooms of schools.

 

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Are you an “Antiquer”? Read this.

May 6, 2009 by , under Fear of Antiques.

 

REAL TIPS for Hunting Antiques or anything else:

 

- Slow down. Just slow the hell down.
- Keep an attitude of quiet skepticism.
- Wear your eye glasses, carry a magnifying glass, etc….
whatever is necessary for you to effectively examine every
square inch of every thing you are considering.
- Expect corner-cutting repairs and conscious efforts to hide
damage.
- Don’t be thrilled by price, sparkle, color, *memories*, or
perceived rarity. Leave your emotions out in the car.
- If your mind is consumed with another subject,
don’t go out hunting at all.
- I hate to say this as an antiques dealer, but
don’t trust any sales person until they’ve proven
worthy of your trust. Don’t be nasty – be pleasant
but cautious. Rightfully, the sales person is viewing
you in the same manner. Keep that in mind. YOU too
are an unknown quantity.
- Know your subject. Being uninformed never works in
YOUR favor. If you’re ignorant to a subject, admit it to
yourself. False ego can destroy you. You deserve
no sympathy when you down in flames.

 

If this advice disturbs you, don’t go near fire.

 


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Bubba done fooled you AGIN!

March 4, 2009 by , under Fear of Antiques.

Antiques are a “funny” business sometimes. “Antiquers” have some odd ideas about how to find “good deals”. The main one is “If the place looks crappy the dealer must stupid – thus, great deals are hiding in there!” There’s also the old classic: “This place is way out ‘in the sticks’, so they won’t know nothin’” (and its “this is a small town” version).

The fact these ideas still linger in a world of web access is “antiquated” – quaint – to me.
The Mentally Lazy can be next door. They don’t have to live in the Kountry. They don’t have to be over a certain age. They don’t have to have that there accent or drive a pick-’em-up truck or wear big ol’ overalls.
Experience tells me I find Mentally Lazy people anywhere, and because of that, finding a good deal is also anywhere. The old days of spectacular discoveries are fewer now – everyone has the opportunity to access more information easier (NOT that it’s ALL correct!), and there’s certainly more economic greed to drive them. But the Lazy will never vanish.
On a daily basis, I still see people making their antique hunting judgments by first impressions of a location and its owner. SUCH a silly way to go about it.
Do you REALLY think a guy who’s had a ramshackle, dirty, old, out-of-the-way junk shop has survived for 30 years because he’s STUPID? This guy has watched people all his life, and learned much watching his customers. He KNOWS to “hide” things under other things so his “digger” customers feel like they “discovered” it. He KNOWS to let things get dirty – or, if necessary, he’ll dirty them himself – so his place has that “crappy place” look. (Plus, it IS less work for him.) He KNOWS not to put price tags on things, he KNOWS acting stupid about his things works towards his selling them (and keeps him less accountable), and he KNOWS how to read you better than you know how to read HIM.
There ARE dumb junk dealers, but high odds are you don’t know who’s who.
His/her job has been to watch people – shoppers – hunters – antiquers – and their lusts, reactions, tactics, scams, and honest enthusiasm. S/he can’t sit there every day for hours upon weeks upon months upon years upon decades without learning through observation.
S/he’ll watch your steps, pauses, turns, repeats, eye movements, pick-ups, inspections, quiet discussions with a friend, returns, gasps, nods, timing, speed, the shtick of bartering…
Think of it as a poker game, but YOUR cards are transparent.
I’ll say that again: Think of it as a poker game, but YOUR cards are TRANSPARENT.
Years ago, I thought I was slick, and I loved playing these games. We had Antiquer Vaudeville “routines”. I saw this as “theater” on top of my honest interest in the things I sought. Had I understood I too was transparent to the veteran dealer, I would’ve stopped that behavior sooner – out of embarrassment. As it was, I stopped as I became a dealer myself… partly from empathy & understanding for the dealers, and partly out of self-respect. I wasn’t fooling anyone, and I stopped, not only due to realizing I couldn’t but because it was an ugly position to even attempt to take. The “game” seemed tacky and full of disrespect. I don’t know if anyone actually cringed when they saw me coming – and I was out there ALL THE TIME – and I DID BUY – A LOT – but chances are they braced themselves for me and the tag-team of talented barterers we thought we were.
Frankly, I was glad to get past that era. I often walked away from a hunting trip feeling I needed a shower…not because of a dirty shop but my willingness to use those routines from my faux-effective repertoire. I am much happier to walk into a shop, greet the owner, let them know I’m a dealer, I’m here to shop, and if there’s any room for price breaks, I will of course be grateful. There it is on the table. No disrespect, no games. We are both professionals and understand our relationship. (Sadly, I have the occasional “civilian” who tries to use this on me – falsely CLAIMING to be a dealer… which is an easy lie to catch… and then that liar will ALWAYS BE a liar to me. It is NOT a good idea to say you are “ONE OF US” when you are not. Pros will often share the information about such people very quickly – even calling down the road to alert the next shop owner.)
Anyhow, I personally enjoy my antiquing much more without the lame games.

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Fear of Antiques

December 12, 2008 by , under Fear of Antiques.

 

A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR HUNTER / GATHERERS

—

It’s Idiot Time…
“How much is that clock on your wall that looks real Fifties and has the balls on the end of the metal rods and the tag says it is a fake and not for sale?”
“Well… it’s NOT for sale… because it’s a FAKE. I put it there to help you avoid being ripped off… by fakes.”
“I wouldn’t know one if I saw it.”
“…NOW you do. Now you have. Now you’re armed.”
“Oh. Well, do you know who sells them now?”
“No. I don’t deal in fakes and junk. Sorry.”
“Oh.”
—
“EBAY?! Oy vay!” or, “Get off the cell phone when you’re in the woods hunting!”
People ask me if I sell on eBay. No, I do not. I have my own web site. It’s fun, it works well, and I am not interested in auctioning my inventory. Nor do I offer PayPal or other automatic purchasing methods. I do not believe it is possible to be a wise antiques collector (or even an occasional shopper) by viewing one or two digital photographs (can you say “Photo Shop”?) and reading 50 words of description (can you define “excellent” condition?) without having further exchanges with the person representing the item. Making smart antiques purchases is complicated, and the motivations for deceit increase right along with our culture putting more and more monetary value & social status on them.
Don’t get me wrong. I buy via the web also. There ARE items on the web normally safe from such problems. New books? Yes. Even new hand made things? Yes. New shoes? No. Antiques. It depends. There is a point where inspecting things in person or being able to ask unlimited specific questions is the ONLY way to get a solid understanding of what you’re interested in. Translation: I expect to work with MY customers in more detail, and, if necessary, over a longer period of time than many dealers are willing to do. I have issues, YOU have issues. You’ve probably been “burnt” on the web before. I respect your efforts to avoid it. (Well, MOST of time. There ARE people who try to weasel free appraisals and other professional knowledge & time from me – but they are sorely disappointed. I do this as a LIVING – this is my PROFESSION – not my hobby.)
Look… I could take ANY digital photo and manipulate it with one of many programs to look any way I choose. Want that chair recovered in orange instead of yellow? Want that dent out of the metal? Want what looks like a real “signature” on something? Anything I want to do with a photo, I can do… but I don’t. The same goes for words. I could write anything – and write it fairly well – which means using words that sound solid but are as vague and slippery as necessary for me to win in a law suit… but I don’t. (You see people on tee-vee court shows all the time – especially related to on-line auctions – being dragged in front of the cameras due to the photos and words they have used to describe their inventory… but MOST of the time they walk away unscathed by the accusations and unpunished for their actions, because the law is NOT often as “black and white” as you might want it, especially with language.)
Buyer beware.
I’ve collected my entire life. It is one of my joys. I opened FUTURES Antiques in 1991, and I went on-line in 1996. I believe the only reasons I’ve made it this far (in a niche market) are due to my customers repeat visits and purchases. They’ve learned I have standards, don’t exaggerate, don’t lie, don’t hide problems, and don’t use loopholes. I’m proud of that. Seriously. In the short run, it’s not easy OR profitable to stand by these policies… but I do have a well-developed sense of right and wrong, and I like to sleep at night.
So, ANY inquiry you make about an “item at distance” needs a careful, thorough investigation. If you don’t have the patience to do this, or you’re dealing with a seller who doesn’t have the patience for you, you should walk (click) away and go elsewhere. You are in the wrong place. If you like “rumors” about the items you’re considering, I can’t help you. I like facts. If you hire me for professional advice, and you think this means the news gets “spun” the way you need it, I’m not your guy.
YOU – as a shopper, a collector – are the ONLY person who can define for yourself what it IS you want in your objects, your “collection”, your home decor, and your ego. I’m sorry if I’m not your guy – I DO want to stay in business – but there are plenty of people who will tell you WHATEVER you want to hear. Go to them. They’ll be happy to service you. On the other hand, if you want & have people who deserve your trust – hang onto them, and treat them with the same respect you want for yourself.
—
A Few “You-Know’s” coming from a Day of Observation:
You KNOW someone is NOT your potential customer when they stand at the start of a long aisle, crank his/her head at an angle, then walk to the start of the next aisle and do the same thing.
You KNOW a radio being offered for sale doesn’t work when you ASK – and the seller says “I dunno. I didn’t check it.”
You KNOW someone is going to “bargain” for a price when she’s inspecting an item and whispering to her Other. Ooh, so sly!
You KNOW someone is NOT a potential customer when he walks into your store looking down at the coins in the palm of his hand.
You KNOW someone is extremely confused, stoned, & stupid when she walks into your store and asks if you have sneakers for sale.
You KNOW someone is NOT a potential customer when he walks into your store & is busy looking at your ceiling and the high points of your walls.
You KNOW the box full of dishware wrapped in newspaper he wants to sell is chipped when you see he’s missing lots of teeth.
You KNOW the lady in the polyester slacks printed with a patchwork quilt pattern will not be your Top Sale.
You KNOW there’s no sale when someone says “WE had that exact same thing!” (even when it’s a handmade object, by the way).
You KNOW there’s no sale if they’re wearing golf visors. I don’t know why, but it’s true. It MAY be the way they refer to historic homes as “used” houses.
You KNOW someone is about to ask for a lower price if they’ve been cold to you from the very first moment :( and then suddenly warm up as though you’re their best friend :)
You KNOW the woman who won’t even look you in the eye when you greet her will be nothing but unpleasant.
You KNOW the mother who allows her two-year-old child to roam unattended is someone over-flowing in feelings of self-righteous entitlement – needing to be shadowed and possibly removed from your business within that first two minutes.
You KNOW someone’s happy if they say “Ooh” “Oh wow” and “Oh my god!” in a higher pitch of voice. I love those sounds.
—
A few points of Etiquette when emailing a design/antiques web site regarding inventory:
- If you’re looking to sell an item, FIRST ASK the person you’re contacting if s/he wants such an item, and if they want to see a photo. (I automatically delete unsolicited/unapproved emails containing attachments.) But, your location (shipping issues) and your selling price (to a dealer) are required right up front along with the initial inquiry.
- Don’t bother with the “make me an offer” stuff. It’s the transparent device of every schmo looking for a free appraisal. Don’t do it. It’s tacky and common… WAY too common.
- If the web site has helpful INFORMATION, read that FIRST. It’s there to INFORM and save time for everyone.
- When supplying important information, PROOF READ your typing. Avoid disasters, unless you want your purchase to go to “John Q. Smilh of Crooklyn, NU”.
- Once you’ve initiated a contact with someone trying to make a living, check your email at least once a day and respond in a timely matter. Don’t send out an inquiry, expect someone to jump through hoops for you, and then not respond back for a month.
Many business owners keep a “blacklist” of people to avoid as customers. Most are listed due to direct, “nasty and never again” experiences, but sometimes these names are shared within larger circles… just like customers do to businesses. The DOLLAR is NOT GOD for most hardworking people, and IF IT IS, be VERY CAREFUL, because YOU don’t count. It’s ALL about your empty wallet. Treat others as you want to be treated.
- Always insure purchases being shipped.
- Always photograph all six sides of a box when it arrives if there is ANY damage to the exterior of the box. Do this BEFORE you open the box. This is a MUST. If then you find everything okay, you can delete the shots and move on. If not, you have evidence. This protects you AND the seller. I’ve had people try to run scams on me with false damage claims. They are “blacklisted”, and can be prosecuted. People can be petty on both sides of the fence.
- I’ve had up to 800 people a day visit my web site. Out of that 800, it’s fair to assume that some are criminals. At a mere 1%, that’s still 8 criminals. My point is that if the dealer seems a little cautious or thorough, put yourself in his/her spot, who has, I assure you, dealt with liars and scammers. Okay? Conversely, I TOTALLY understand when a potential customer wants all their i’s dotted and t’s crossed regarding a purchase. They’ve been stung too. We are ALL strangers for at least the first purchase, and have no logical reason to let down our guard – yet.
- Some people like to ask the seller to find the cheapest possible way to ship something, despite the fact they always want the items a.s.a.p., if not sooner, and packed so that everything arrives in perfect condition. “Cheap” means asking the dealer to find & use random packing materials and boxes in a skimpy, risky way, with a packing styles that may be extremely incompetent, and, they want the seller to “shop around” for the cheapest shipper, and, to skip the insurance. Let’s face it… THAT’S stupid.
It’s stupid from the buyer’s p.o.v., since they claim to WANT the item to arrive in the purchased condition. It’s stupid for the seller, because of all the time used to save someone else a couple of dollars at the dealer’s expense, and there is the standing risk of damage. It’s a GOOD deal for the shipper. No insurance? No payouts!! No loss of profit! It’s a sweet deal for the shipper.
I won’t do it. Plain & simple. I use good, reliable, honest packers & shippers, and they get paid for what they do, just like me, and just like you. Everyone does THEIR part, and you end up with a great object that remains a great object.
—
This ALWAYS sounds like a sales pitch when I say it in the store, but:
“ALWAYS buy one very good thing, not 10 mediocre things, and if necessary, go without a meal or dvd if it means getting that good thing. The meal or dvd can be found anywhere, anytime. The good thing can’t. You probably didn’t need the extra 3,000 calories or another Steven Segal movie anyhow.”
—
Yes, BOOKS, but:
I’ve strongly suggested the use of BOOKS, not the web or periodicals, for the most reliable information, when it really matters. However, there’s seldom a book I read that doesn’t contain a mistake. After all, books ARE made by humans. Still, I stand first by BOOKS. Books go through a more rigorous gauntlet before Becoming.
This is coming from me, with a web site. No irony here, just the facts. I can type anything I want – RIGHT NOW – here at my keyboard -
“Bigfoot was in my kiddie pool in our backyard last night!”
- and it’s now available to the entire world. It’s scarey how easy it is to self-publish on the web. Don’t be a Digi-Sucker, that’s all. A new level of caution is required…
…But I DID see Bigfoot!
Honest!!
—
FAKES
I’m sure you know that FAKES of EVERYTHING are EVERYWHERE. My slogan is: “Fakes Follow Money”. There is a “boiling point” of increased value and demand that kicks the forgers into sleazy action.
I am a bigger fan of BOOKS than I am periodicals or the WEB for research and knowledge. Let’s face it – anyone can and does put anything on the web. Books require a guantlet of proof readers and editors (magazines less so). There IS VALUE to that process. IF you’re TRULY a person who doesn’t like and can’t afford rip-offs, I suggest you invest study time and money into books. NOT one book. I said BOOKS.
—
EXAMPLES OF FAKES
It’s not the First Time:
A flotilla of ships carrying container loads of Chinese fakes has hit our shores. They are carved marble reproductions of Archipenko (etc.) sculptures, complete with signatures and dates gouged into the stone, and fake museum codes and archive notations hand written on the underside of the bases.
They’re on eBay, they’re in shops, they’re in auctions. They are being priced to give the impression (to fools) a seller is thinking “Well, Grandma had this a long time, it COULD BE something! I better price it at a couple thousand bucks just in case, and if it is nothing, I made out like a bandit!” If they were priced at $5. no one would buy the idea. If they were priced at $5 million, it would eliminate the fools and not get by the experts. Things like this need to be priced delicately within the slightly painful, entirely greedy, gambler’s reach of a fool.
Fakes are like a ripe field of green corn-like plant-objects.
The Uneducated arrive like locusts.
Smiling Farmers stand nearby.
Why, that sounds like a Haiku uttered from a corrupt Buddha…
-
“Murano” and other art glass is coming out of China and Poland by the billions. Unless there is an island of Murano in the Italian region of China, you’re being conned. Some of it IS nice glass. Don’t get me wrong. But if it’s being called Murano, and old, the price is going to be too high. I’ve also seen faked signatures on Italian glass. KNOW their marks, signatures, and tags! Much of the Polish glass is being marketed through Target.
Remember those godawful Roseville Pottery fakes? Most faked art pottery is much better than that. Same goes for Majolica. Don’t get lazy.
The entire market for Depression Glass and Cookie Jars was nearly killed due to fakes. Give me an hour, and I’ll be back with a fake McCoy Mammy.
Art. Always dangerous. NEVER think you’ll be smarter than the forgers. ALWAYS use professional help.
Fake Tiffany, etc. lamps are, and have been, out there for quite some time. We all see the bad fakes, but I also see some of the FINEST FAKES of all time. It’s about the money they can bring in. Throw a little dust on one, plant it in a bogus estate sale or auction, and let people think THEY are discovering a “sleeper”. That’s how it works. This way you don’t even have the recourse of saying “YOU SAID IT WAS TIFFANY!!” They didn’t say it. You were sloppy, you were greedy, you were uneducated, and you were nailed.
Maxfield Parrish, Erte, etc. “old prints” (reproductions): For twenty years minimum, I’ve watched auctions and dealers take new reproductions out of a book or calender, put them into an actual old frame with dirty glass, and sell them for 100 times their cost and value.
Bakelite/Catalin jewelry, now established as a high priced substance, has been copied very well in cheap styrene plastics. You’d better learn how to i.d. the real thing. Back to the books!
Cowboy Kitsch metal dishware. Faked.
Carved mahogany furniture in old styles continues to come in from the Phillipines, etc. It’s not difficult to spot, as long as you INSPECT the items. If you don’t inspect, don’t expect any sympathy.
20th century designer furniture – the fastest rising value category of the last 20+ years – has fakes, knock offs, and look-alikes galore. Much is produced in Italy, but it’s now a world market, and it’s everywhere. Buyer beware. Stick with honorable dealers and your books.
—
Putting a light on White People:
I’m a White guy. I’ve learned a couple of things in this Decor Business. DON’T put green or blue light on White People, UNLESS you want them to look sick or dead. Green is the worst, blue comes in a close second. It’s simply true. Don’t bother arguing.
Don’t use translucent green or blue shades, and don’t use green or blue bulbs. Just stay away from green or blue light.
—
PRICE GUIDES
I’m not going to suggest one over another (OR the use of only one!). Your choice will depend upon your interests. However, buy only price guides that focus on your country/countries of interest, and you must buy updated editions every two or three years. Also, save the old ones. They can be used to track value increase.
DON’T think a price guide written and published in New York City or Miami as its base model will represent your situation in Pleasantville, USA. The price/value will be lower in your area. The web is reducing this phenomenon, but it is still a good concept to keep in mind as a buyer or a seller. What I’m saying is GET REAL. Life isn’t Antiques Road Show.
Also, keep your price guides in the trunk of your car, if you are a serious “Hunter/Gatherer”.
—
JUNK SHOPS, JUNQUE SHOPPES
It’s not so much about merchandise as it is ATTITUDE. A junk shop has poor lighting so it’s difficult for you to inspect items. They avoid putting price tags on things because they want to “size YOU up” – by your hair, clothes, speech, and car. The price will be adjusted by your presentation. (And please don’t kid yourself into thinking you can dress-down and fool pros…you can’t.) A junk shop is cluttered and tight. You’re being set up for a “you broke it, you bought it” situation.
Price stickers are often placed over a stain, chip, or crack. Ask the dealer – DON’T do this yourself – if they’d remove the sticker so you can see the entire object. And DON’T do this UNLESS you are VERY SERIOUS about a potential purchase. The public will switch price tags if they can, so dealers often use “permanent adhesive” tags that cannot be removed without tearing. Don’t ask for the tag to be destroyed if you’re simply “curious”. You won’t be welcomed back. If it were ME, I’d say “I’d like to buy this item, and here is my cash, but before we complete this purchase, I’d like to see under the adhesive tag. If it’s clear, we have a DEAL!” If you buy it but leave the stickers unchecked, and later you discover a chip, forget it. As far as the dealer is concerned, YOU may have chipped it. Your INSPECTION should happen in the shop. Take your time. Once you leave, we can’t play the Later Game. Shoppers are CONS & CRIMINALS too, you know.
—
DECORATED AND ANODIZED ALUMINUM TUMBLER CARE
NO dishwashers, no scrub sponges, no cleansers, no fast temperature changes, and no dropping. Wash in warm, soapy water with a soft cloth. Dry with soft towel.
—
THAT EVIL OLD SUN
Ultra violet light, important to Life, is also the enemy of objects. It dries and fades nearly everything on the planet, especially pigments, and especially in the red-purple-black range. Your art, rare books, fabric, furniture, albums, photographs…are NOT plants! They do NOT want direct light.
Put ULTRA VIOLET FILTER PLEXIGLAS over any art/pictures you care about.
—
THE CHINA CHIP/CRACK SYNDROME
“I can save money if I buy one with flaws.” True. You can… and it will be worthless to anyone else, should you ever want to sell it. DON’T DO IT. Buy one perfect thing, not ten flawed ones.
—
ALL SALES FINAL / ITEMS SOLD AS-IS
I don’t care WHAT someone tells you in a store about an item you’re considering. If those signs are up, it neutralizes anything they “may” have said and you can’t prove. That sign trumps you 100%. The policy signs exist for the protection of ALL involved. INSPECT ALL ITEMS THOROUGHLY in the store.

—
THAT VASE HAS A NICE “RING” TO IT (Inspecting pottery and glass)
When looking for cracks, including internal damage, in pottery or glass, I’d rather use my ears than eyes. You can always hold a vase rim by two pinched fingers, and “ding” it. If it “rings”, it’s solid. If it “clunks” and sounds more like wood, it’s got a crack, whether you can see it or not.
P.S. – If you drop it, you own it. The moment you touch something, you accept responsibility for that which follows.
—
THE PERFECTLY RESTORED VASE
Even a beautifully restored vase is worth less than a perfect original. When looking for repairs, I a) use my eyes and ears, then b) a magnifying glass, and then c) a black light, which shows alterations. If you’re a glass or pottery fan, keep a portable black light in the trunk of your car.
—
TEMPERATURE, AND ART GLASS & POTTERY
Do NOT force sudden hot or cold temperatures on these substances for cleaning or use. They can explode or crack, and then it’s all over. Mild temperatures only!
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IT’S ELECTRICAL
ANY electric item should be tested in the store. Once you take it home, it’s your responsibility. I’m never insulted when customers ask for a test (despite the fact I pre-test, and rewire if necessary, all appliances). IF it has a FRAYED cord – DO NOT PLUG IT IN. IF the plug has been cut off, interpret this to mean “This is a deadly, dangerous, non-working item, and I don’t want you to find out until you’re long gone… and if it burns down your home, or kills you, oh well.. I KNOW you won’t be returning the thing!”
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CLEANING FLAT GLASS
Whether cleaning a glass-topped table or a framed wall picture, NEVER EVER spray the glass and then wipe it down. INSTEAD, spray your cleaning towel, and wipe the glass with the towel. Think about that. It’s a common but deadly mistake.
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BOGUS CLEAR GLASS
Sometimes old glass is fogged. It can fog from years of water exposure (minerals), or the use of dishwasher chemicals. Despite the rumors of “denture tablets” being able to remove these problems, I’ve never found this to be true. What I HAVE found true is a trick the Sleazers will use when pawning off fogged glass: a thin layer of oil can be applied to the interior of the glass, which makes the fogging temporarily vanish. Once you get the piece home, wash it, or the oil evaporates, you finally see what you bought. How to guard against it? FEEL the inside of the glass.
—
I SEE TEARS RUNNING DOWN CHEEKS EVERYDAY
If you see something you really like, and it’s in good condition, do NOT walk away from it, or, if you do, walk away resigned you’ll probably lose it to someone else. I HATE telling people “It sold yesterday. Sorry.” If nothing else, give the owner a nonrefundable $10. bill to HOLD it for 24 hours while you “think” or “research” or whatever. Once it’s gone, it’s gone, and I can guarantee you, we ALL carry the “Ones that got away” scars.
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ASSTATE SALES
“Estate” sales can be and are faked. An auction house and/or group of inscrupulous dealers can rent an empty home for a few days, load it up with their stuff they’ve found impossible to sell otherwise, or a new batch of fakes, shake their vacuum cleaner dust bags over all of it, and let the shoppers fight over these “undiscovered bargains”. YOUR greed is YOUR worst enemy. There are SO many tricks in the business. Do NOT think you will be on top of them all.
Find honest dealers, and stick with them. They’ll also share good advice.
IF you want them to be there for YOU tomorrow, YOU have to be there for them today.
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PRICE GUIDES AT LOCAL LIBRARIES
They’re usually no good. They’re typically way out of date, and the pricing pages are often razor-bladed out by some creep who won’t pay eight cents for a xerox copy.
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“I HAVE ARRIVED!!!!”
(Advice on being welcomed back)
(All examples are from real experiences)
The DON’T's:
DON’T walk into a store talking on your cell phone, and tell the store owner to turn down their music so you can hear your phone.
DON’T – enter with your wet umbrella, and shake it off. Gently close it, and leave it at the front door.
DON’T bring in huge, gaping, open carry bags, or, if you must, ask to leave them at the desk with the owner. Let’s face it – THEY don’t know you yet. You COULD be a thief trying to steal THEIR ability to make a living. Thieves also stuff items behind their babies in carriages and strollers. Leave them home, or within view.
DON’T bring in sloppy drinks from the Quickie Mart or the jogging bottle you suck on all day, and set it down on fine wood, fabric, or metal furniture, etc. Again, don’t bring it in, but if you “must”, ask to leave it up at the front desk.
DON’T think you can come up with any bartering games the dealer hasn’t heard. It’s embarrassing how often people try the old routines. If you’re on a budget, just say so. THAT would be a refreshing change.
DON’T be a standoffish creep your entire visit, and then suddenly turn on the charm when you’ve found something you want and are now preparing to barter. Do you REALLY think the owner hasn’t noticed? BTW: this is usually done by women.
DON’T use an antiques store as “The Discovery Zone” or “McDonald’s Playland”. Leave the children under six or devoid of public manners home. Antiques are the WRONG objects for training children’s dexterity. There’s a very good chance that the items they break are NOT the ones you wanted… so paying for broken, undesired antiques is NOT a fun day full of relaxation… And you WILL pay.
The DO’s:
DO respond when the owner welcomes you. Ignoring them, or giving them dirty looks is NOT the way to start a pleasant, helpful relationship.
DO compliment a business you like. THAT is never unwelcome. It makes for a nicer day.
DO remember that your continued business is what helps a business continue. One purchase, made eight years ago, IS appreciated but doesn’t necessarily keep the world spinning.
DO put down even a small amount of money if you want an item “HELD”. A dealer shouldn’t be expected to “HOLD” an item with no financial committment. Too many sales are LOST this way. It’s amazing how many people ask for “HOLDS” and never return. Talk about rude and self-centered! This hardens dealers until they’ll won’t offer the option to anyone at all… even you, a decent person who could use 24 hours.
DO call ahead by at least 24 hours if you are wheelchair bound, and want to visit businesses with ever-changing inventory and spatial demands. Sometimes aisles are too small, or ultra-fragile items are too low. Give the owner a chance to HELP!
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Old Fans:
It’s amazing what a drip of 3-in-1 oil can do when applied to the axle of the fan blades (the shaft that goes into the motor). Tilt the fan back, put a drop on, give the blades a few hand-spins while the oil heads back into the motor. Turn it on in a few minutes. If the oscillator arm is sticky, try it there too. It can’t hurt.
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Wood treatment:
There is only ONE I will use. I use NO other. If I run out, I stop using anything. It’s not available in the retail market (that I’ve ever seen). “Finish Feeder”. I love it for ANY wood except blonde finishes. DO NOT use it on those. If I was a sports star, I wouldn’t endorse the latest, overpriced sneaker. I’d endorse “Finish Feeder”. I keep a crate of it in FUTURES for use on my furniture and other wooden objects. I have to special order it as a dealer.
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Practical FURNITURE BUYING ADVICE
For those of you without experience, beware of ads that say their new furniture is “solid wood”. What most ACTUALLY mean is it’s made of press board (saw dust mixed with glue, and squished together like a hamburger patty), covered over by a thin veneer of wood grain. Inspect everything closely – there’s usually a hidden area that is NOT veneered. You may have to turn the piece over or remove a shelf, but the evidence is there. Press board sags faster than ten teats on a mother mutt.
(Not to mention the formaldehyde gas it – pressboard – not the mother mutt – gives off.)
Buy real wood. A veneer may be used over solid wood, so don’t be afraid of them. They can be quite nice, and in certain situations, necessary. It is what is UNDER the veneer that is the problem.
Just don’t judge a book by its cover… book, ahem… furniture, person, car, religion, web site… whatever.
(From friend antiques dealer friend Elle at Austin Modern:)
“Sniff test for Mildew smell as well, totally disgusting and I’m not naming names but there is a store here in town who is notorious for… swear to god, taking especially crappy/dirty upholstered pieces through the car wash. It has got to be the dumbest and most disgusting practice, but since Texas is so hot in the summer, they can literally load up their pick ups, go to the car wash, hose/scrub the items in the truck bed, rinse and leave it to dry in the sun in
the back of their pick up for the rest of the day.
It works but it’s a dirty trick. If it works why is it a dirty trick? Because it’s clean and dry on the outside but the inside continues to mildew for weeks. It’s a stink that never ends and never goes away.”
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Cleaning FIBERGLASS lamp shades (from the 1950′s):
They do just fine being cleaned with a spray degreaser. IF you don’t know the difference between fiberglass, paper, and fabric, DON’T try this.
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Cleaning chrome (ONLY):
“Super fine”, “6-0″, “000000″ will buff chrome and remove grime without scratching. Spritz some degreaser into the steel wool if it’s covered in an old layer of kitchen grease or cigarette tar. Disgusting! If you don’t know the difference between chrome and aluminum, nickel, stainless steel, silver, or any other “silver” metal, don’t try this, either.
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Vinyl/plastic treatments (there are plenty):
They are good for your plastic toys, formica, bakelite, etc.. Find it in automotive supply stores.
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Pinch and sniff your sofa while you wiggle it:
It’s FAR from enough to like the look of a sofa, and it’s still not enough to like how it “sits”.
You “pinch” the sofa to feel if the foam rubber cushions have any “crumbly, dry” feeling, or is losing “yellow dust”. If so, run away. Replacing foam rubber is terribly expensive. It will outprice the piece.
You “sniff” the sofa for one main reason: cat pee. You will NEVER, EVER get the odor out of the furniture. I don’t care what some can of miracle deodorizer says.
You “wiggle” the sofa to listen for any squeaks. That usually means loose joints, which MIGHT mean broken joints, or years of abuse, or its having been “dip-stripped” at one point (which is the Kiss of Death). It definitely means look VERY VERY close under and within every where you can get. NOW you understand ONE good reason for the flashlight in your trunk. Go get it.
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Definition of Quality: Quality (in antiques/design) is that which is thoughtfully designed – aesthetically, functionally, and technically – with lasting materials and solid construction by a person or company that is earning or has already earned a reputation as an important contributor and a wise investment.
What is a “Good Investment”? It is an item of Quality, plus, it is especially descriptive of its era, identifiable by its maker/designer, was or is being documented in periodicals or better – BOOKS, and, face it, it must eventually be something people WANT… and, they must want it for more than one issue of Martha Stewart Living, Antiques Quarterly, or the life span of a Beanie Baby. Ahem.

 

Are YOU glad that someone BEFORE YOU took care of the thing you now own and love? Well? ARE you? You have the SAME responsibility to care for the things now.

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Even more from an antiques dealer pal of mine in Texas

September 28, 2008 by , under Fear of Antiques.

From my buddy Elle, in Texas:
“Antique Malls: Treasure Hunt or Waste of Time?
So today I swung by an antique mall that I pass on my way home from my shop. Generally I might swing in to an antique mall if I’m bored and want to waste time or if I’m looking for something very specific that I know someone has. Antique Malls are usually the proving grounds and the pastures of the Antiques market. People trying it out start in malls to see if it’s really what they want to do before investing heavily in opening a storefront.
Pasture might seem too harsh a word for the retirees that have booths in Malls. There are a few hearty souls that have spent decades in the same mall, though from my experience the older dealers in malls are of two types. The more prevalent is the “ladies who lunch” they like to shop and need something to do with their time so they rent space in a mall and call themselves antique dealers.. they usually specialize in shabby shit, regularly mis-mark items and can’t tell the difference between Nippon and Hong Kong.
In the minority are dealers who have owned stores all their lives and are no longer interested in running a storefront full-time but want to keep their hand in the business.
Malls have their own pluses and minuses just like owning a full scale storefront. Some of the bonuses of being in a mall is that the rent is all inclusive. No mucking around with utility bills, employees, and for some of us, no face time with customers. Some dealers simply do not have the interest or ability to skillfully interact with the casual (disinterested) browser.
A large drawback to being in a mall is while it may be fully staffed, no one can sell your product like you can. Also you have no control over what your surrounding dealers are selling.
Most antique malls have a list of items that are NOT allowed. For example: Reproductions, Scented candles, “Gift” items, items of questionable authenticity.
If I’m outside of town or on a long haul buying trip the sign I use to dismiss an antique store is “Antiques Collectibles & GIFTS”. Usually the store name includes the words “Shoppe” “Country” or “Olde”. Not that I’ll dismiss a store called “Ye Olde Antiques Shoppe” but paired with the slogan “Antiques Collectibles & Gifts” I’ll generally take a pass unless I need to make a pit stop or stretch my legs anyways. “Antiques Collectibles and Gifts” almost guarantees the presence of armloads of doilies, ugly faded 50s tablecloths, paired with reproduction rag dolls, locally made sock monkeys (usually displayed in a chippy white lead paint doll cradle by the register), the requisite shabby-chic rickety white painted corner cabinet loaded with scented candles in jars, perhaps some Red Hat lady memorabilia. Dried babysbreath flowers, moth eaten fur coats, rhinestone jewelry, more lace and doilies and bric-a-brac. If you can stand the overwhelming stench of “Blueberries-n-Cream” mixed with “Maple Morning” you might possibly find something that actually classifies and an antique. But only by definition.
Just because it’s 100 years old and officially an antique doesn’t mean that anyone wants it.
These are GREAT places to find hilarious t-shirts referencing your need to collect, buy junk, or grow old with sass. They’re also an excellent source of reproduction tin signs, reproduction lithographs, scented soaps and birthday cards. I admit I am partial to the ones that sell the “Olde Time” penny candy sticks, I like to stock up on Clove and Sassafrass candy, they’re like twinkies and will last in the glovebox for decades.
If you’re really “lucky” the owner will have a selection of new Korean made Louis Vuitton and Chanel knock offs. I can almost guarantee you the owner is over 50, overweight and a bottle blonde. She also is generally a fan of Enya, Celine and or Billy Ray. Not to be unkind, but it really is almost a formula with very little variation.
Back to Antique Malls. Antique malls are interesting. Not for the items but for the culture. Everyone knows each other, they know each other’s business and it’s very clique-ish. It’s a lot like high school, but the principal’s desk has a mastercard/visa sign and a bowl of starlight mints for customers.
I will always hit a mall on the off chance of finding a sleeper but I need to be bored because I don’t have the patience to look at acres of *gibberish glass* if I’m seriously looking for specifics. I need to be in an “antique mall frame of mind”. *Gibberish Glass: An overwhelming assortment of incomplete & ugly dinner dishes from the 60s and 70s, flea bitten depression glass, Milkglass, Amber Glass, Anchor Hocking post 1950, anything with hobnails, melmac, tupperware, corningware, 1980s reproduction depression glass mismarked as “rare” and/or “unusual” with mold lines like razorblades.
I can generally clear a 10K sqft mall in about 20 minutes. From the aisle I can tell if the booth owner shops Auctions & Estates or the local Goodwill and Garagesales. The auction dealers have European antiques and an assortment of varying quality furnishings, real paintings, the requisite late deco mantle clocks and a few quality but boring chandeliers.
The Goodwill Garage sale booths are generally filled with an assortment of kitsch, and randomness. The GG booths will have without a doubt “vintage” t-shirts, tupperware, those kooky big eared rubber mice, tons of low quality vintage jewelry-choice for a dollar, lots or furniture in pumpkin and mustard, swag lamps and on occasion something very cool and or of good quality. This is an accident, not the norm. 99% of the time these booths are run by 20 or 30 somethings who have an in depth knowledge of pop culture over the last 50 years and not much else. These are the people “trying it out”. Usually they’ll move on to a “real job” after a year or so of farting around playing dealer OR they’ll move on to a specific field of expertise and start making an actual living. At which point they will look back on their mall years with some sort of embarassment or will deny ever being in a mall.
Usually if a mall has someone truly specializing in MCM it’s because the mall has made a point of seeking out the specialist. I like malls containing several MCM specialists because the other dealers see what the specialists are selling and begin bringing in similar items. If well timed you can buy the underpriced sleeper in another dealer’s booth before the specialist sees it and does the same thing.
Not everyone can know everything and I have managed on many occasions to buy unmarked Fornasetti originals for 10s of dollars in “mcm” booths or shops. I am sure over the years, I myself have sold many rarities for a song without knowing about it. Again not everyone can know everything.
The mall I swung by today has several vintage generalist booths, most have had the same crappy mismatched lamps and Kruger sunfaded and rusty bottomed fiberglass chairs for months if not YEARS. Times are slow and the vintage generalists usually have 20-50% off everything sales. I love a % off everything booth, because usually these is something already priced too low that I’m going to pick up for an additional 40% off. I don’t like to ask for over the top discounts and so I like to see a 40% sign waiting for me.
There is one booth in a local mall that supposedly specializes in MCM. Personally I feel a booth full of 60s and 70s American made low end furniture, a boatload of single 50s kitsch table lamps, formica/ laminate topped everything, sun faded Picasso prints, and gibberish glass in avocado and amber does not an MCM booth make. But that’s just me.
This booth had one good looking painting, and at 40% off the painting was under $20. of course I bought it. BTW, a new FRAME costs more than 20 bucks let alone a canvas and skillfully applied paint. I was struck by how the lowbrow-cool booth was transformed into the furniture dept. at a poverty stricken Goodwill with the removal of one painting.. I had to wonder if the good looking painting would seem shabby once I paired it with higher end MCM goodies.
When I got home I moved one of my own paintings and hung the new one over a Knoll credenza, it managed to hold it’s own but the shabbiness of the frame which I hadn’t noticed at all before became glaringly obvious.
Tip of the day: The gem in the mud pile might turn out to be just a bit of broken glass once the mud is washed off.
Personally I like mixing quality with lowbrow, folk and fine art. Though there is an art to it and I don’t always get it right.
The real nitty gritty.
Saw a sign in an antique store the other day “I found it, I bought it, I hauled it, etc etc..and you want a discount??” I like this sign, seen it a billion times before and it cracks me up every time. The sign is almost a requirement for antique stores. Right up there with the terms As Is and All Sales Final.
A friend and I were having coffee this morning and talking about the lack of facilities at an upcoming show. This show is a twice yearly event and dealers from across the country come to vend. The funny thing is the lack of amenities like showers, restrooms and restaurants. It’s very much like a carnival sideshow, portapotties and funnel cakes are the rule.
Personally I dig a good traveling carnival a bit more than the next guy but the portapotties are definitely a big downside to the event. Men are lucky, they can duck between a couple of trucks take a whiz in the fresh air and if anyone sees them it’s not a big deal. Women on the other hand are unlikely to drop trou or hike skirt in public and are therefore forced into using the portapotties. Luckily the ports are marked Men and Women which keeps it somewhat orderly, however by noon and everyone has had a few cups of coffee and a few bottles of water all bets are off and the donnikers resemble something from a bad movie. I spend my time avoiding water and try to keep myself under hydrated to avoid the johns. In 100 degree heat this is a bad idea. But the other option is go-all-day-pants and I’m NOT ready to wear a diaper. *There’s always the rumor of dealers wearing go all days to auctions to avoid getting up to use the bathroom and missing out, but I can’t believe this is true.
Though the bigger show tents are charging several thousand per booth they still don’t have a full restroom facility onsite. Gimme a break! The dealers are 50% women and 25% prissy queens.. I think a show promoter has got balls to ask dealers to pay several thousand to spend a week in a field with no showers, no restrooms and no real food.
As times have tightened more dealers are citing the lack a facilities as the final straw and why they aren’t setting up this year.
So anyways, my friend and I were talking about how this is not the most healthy lifestyle. We carry items too large and too heavy for one person to lift and we do it on a regular basis, we spend a lot of time on the road eating not very healthy food, we’re up earlier than most, often running on just soda or coffee until well after lunch. We’ve been cut badly on bits of metal and broken pieces of poorly packed glass, torn ligaments, caught weird flu bugs after spending time in estates that have been closed up while the will went though probate, the list goes on.
Still, I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

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More from an antiques dealer pal of mine in Texas

September 20, 2008 by , under Fear of Antiques.

For the most part, my pal Elle is dead-on, and reflects the current situation, but there are differences that make a few of the ideas difficult to apply directly to me or others I know:
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“Hi Ronn, I know you like my ramblings so heres a new one for ya. Or maybe it’s same ol in a different wrapper….
Where are we going?
Where we’re not going might be easier to answer these days. We’re not going shopping and we’re not going to the bank with deposits. Currently there are a lot of stores treading water while a lot of “savvy collectors” are trolling for bargains.
The very top end dealers, the ones with original Jean Prouve and F.L. Wright (their smalls start in the high hundreds) are supposedly doing ok, and the bottom feeders who will sell anything and everything for double what they paid regardless of worth are doing ok too.
However most of the dealers in the US are somewhere in the middle, our items range from 100. – 4k and we’re not having so much fun these days.
Yesterday someone bought a ceiling fixture from me, usually they range anywhere from 800 to 2200. I priced mine for a fast sale at 475. Of course the buyer wanted an additional discount. Argh!
I know a lady who never has price tags on anything, she has an interesting way of going about it. You ask a price, she says “I had it priced at 150, but for you I’ll take 100.” Brilliant. No one ever asks for a discount and everyone feels like they got a great deal. Especially her. This doesn’t work with tags for some reason.
The other day a friend of mine in a different store became tired of item-X that had been lounging around for almost a year, she drew a red line through 1200. and marked it with a Sale tag at 650. she just wanted out from under the elephant.
She and I were on our way out of town when someone called from the shop, “I have a couple here who want to know your Best Price on item X” Best Price? When did 45% off become not good enough?
Hells bells, she almost drove off the road. Wanting to move the elephant she offered 600.00 and hung up. Store calls back “they want to put it on layway” We had to pull over. Are you kidding me??? She says No and hangs up. Good call, people who ask for best price before looking at the tag or even really looking at the item usually are just fooling around anyways. An hour later the store calls and says they bought it and took it but had to put it on two credit cards.
This is the new economy. Ka-Ra-Zy! I’m not sure when this became normal behavior. I’m not from the pre credit card generation, I haven’t hit 40 yet, but are people in my age group this dumb? Do they go out to dinner at expensive restaurants knowing they can’t pay the bill? oh wait…. they do.
Ok, riddle me this. Why are people comfortable pointing out that something is too expensive for them, as if the business offering said item is at fault? I see this on Yelp.com a lot. Most of the indie local store reviews go something like this “I love this store! It’s so beautiful, well edited, great stuff, unique items (pick one), but I can’t afford it!” OR “I’ll definitely shop here when I can afford it” WTF?
Who reviews a place they don’t shop? Imagine a restaurant review that goes something like this: “I pressed my nose against the glass and obscenely drooled as plates of steaming pasta were gracefully shuttled across a packed dining room. I could tell from the diners smiles that the food was enjoyable. The steaks looked well prepared and I didn’t see anyone send anything back. I went home and enjoyed a microwaved can of Dinty Moore Stew and watched the latest episode of American Idol, 5 stars”
Puh-lease.
Even the Design Editor at our local paper does it. She wrote a huge article on the new Rachel Ashwell (Miss Shabby Chic *gag*) store here in town, raved about THE sofa she just Had To Have and finished the article with something to the effect of ‘sigh I can’t afford the sofa, but you HAVE to check this place out anyways’ When did stores and businesses become a free browsing experience, not for shopping but for “the experience’ of ambiance? And when did it become fashionable to publicly declare your lack of expendable income?
It’s not a badge of honor.
Sure I’ve been proud to have managed to put a sleeper on layaway thus preventing someone with deeper pockets from snagging it out from under me. And sure, there have been more times I’ve lost something great to someone who could pay the piper when I couldn’t. But I don’t brag about it and I certainly don’t hold the seller responsible for my thin wallet.
Stores are handling the economy and explosion of browsers in different ways.
There’s me and a few like me who have moved their stores online exclusively. I keep my buying customers and I’ve cut out the expense of Commercial Rent, Electricity, Advertising, Employees etc. Though I have lost the random impulse shopper. However, since the random impulse shopper is almost non existent these days I don’t think I’m missing much.
There’s the lady who opens the front and back doors to her shop and literally leaves customers shopping in the dark with no a/c. I guess to save on electricity. This is total Bullshit. If you can’t afford to keep your store well lit and cool (this is Texas for petesake, it’s balls hot! and her store doesn’t have enough windows to illuminate the interior) Don’t open. How ’bout look at your two worst sales days for the week and be closed on those days if you need to skimp on electricity. It may be just me, but I don’t shop hot and dark stores unless it’s a junk shop and everything is cheap-cheap.
There’s the opposite end of the spectrum. They’ve started spending money they don’t have on in store parties and events, new signage, big ads or (worse) Big SALE ads. Ads are a waste of money. No one looks at them. Seriously when was the last time you saw an ad, got in your car and drove to an unknown store because of a pretty picture and a few lines of text? A big SALE sign in the window will stop people passing by, but you also have to wonder what a big SALE sign implies. Parties and events are nice and they generate goodwill. But that’s about it.
Before deciding to cut my losses and move entirely online, my mentor’s advice was re-arrange everything so it looks like you’ve got all new stuff in. That sort of worked. There were the items that in different context suddenly seemed fresh even though they had been around a while, but I noticed my new stuff sold immediately and the constants stuck around. Even though numerous new items had come in, they had also gone right back out before my weekend customers saw that indeed new items had arrived. This is pretty typical actually.
We’re in a bind, we have to have fresh and new stock or risk losing customers, but without constant sales we can’t bring in the fresh and new. I have a friend who cures this with paint. If something has been around for a while and won’t go away, she paints it. Guaranteed it’s gone within the week.
Luckily, were still better off than retail stores. Retail stores HAVE to have new stock for the season, whether they can afford it or not. Each season requires new schwag and markup on retail SUCKS. For example, I was sent a wholesale catalog for Mid Century remakes, Sputnik chandeliers in chrome (Made in China and not very good ones) wholesale for 275. suggested retail price 350. George Nelson Marshmallow “style” sofas wholesale 800. SRP 1200. Not including shipping. Books are somewhere in the same ballpark. Those rad Taschen books? Wholesale are about 20% less than cover price. Again, not including shipping.
Magazines are a nice way to bring customers in, but really once you’ve added in shipping to the wholesale cost, you’re only making about .25 an issue. I always considered carrying magazines as a service and not actually a profit generator. So it always bugged me when customers flipped through the magazine, pulled out the order form and left the magazine behind.
So where are we heading? I know that my best items are the fastest sellers and my mid range stuff is just kind of there. I’m feeling lucky, I can get away with buying one great item and passing on 10 interesting but mediocre items. But I don’t have to stock a store front anymore.
Someone recently pointed out, and rightly so, that even though we live in a big city, there might be only 50 people seriously looking for something she or I might have. Say a 1950s Murano glass lamp. Take into consideration that out of those fifty only half have the money to buy an original and out of those 25, only 5 want it in the color we might have. How do you find those 5 buyers? Sounds like the internet might be the answer.
Even the internet has it’s own special brand of problems. People can’t see or hold in their hands what they are buying, we don’t get to meet on a face to face basis, and I don’t get a feel for what type of customer they might be. For the most part my online transactions have been great. A few have been annoying and some have been flat out weird.
Like the girl that wanted 6 items but failed to realize that these things cost money which meant she had to pay for them. Seriously. The two concepts of “I want that” and “I have no money to pay for it” failed to meet up. It was an interesting waste of my time. Bet she posts on Yelp a lot. Or the guy who bought an item that was damaged in shipping and wanted to make an insurance claim but also wanted to keep the item. It doesn’t work that way. Duh. Planet Weird has a special hotline dialed in to the internet.
Recently someone opened an “investment quality” mid century store here. Best of luck to the poor guy. He’s opening a business with sky high overhead at the beginning of a deep recession, in a town not known for breaking a penny, and he has no known background buzz. Longevity is a big factor. An unknown coming into this market, in this town, has a long row to hoe.
Also, and I’m heading out onto a limb here, Mid Century is on the wane. It’s been around for well over a decade and even the fadish fashion designers are moving on to something new. Mid Mod has been redesigned and copied from Herman Miller reissues all the way down to Wal-mart’s cheap plastic “koda style” clamshell chairs for 22.95 Something new is on the horizon, but I’m not sure what.
Industrial seems to be gaining ground, but it’s a specialized group who can honestly look at stainless steel Medical lamps from the 30s and find them truly beautiful.
Blending and mixing eras is still popular but it’s been a design style since the Victorians so it’s nothing new. It’s all just reinterpretations.
So to sum up:
It’s all about the discount, people with no money are flaunting it, browsing is the new shopping trend, this economy sucks, at least we’re not in retail, and the market is shifting but hasn’t picked a direction.
Aren’t you glad you just wasted 20 minutes reading this?”

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From a Antiques Dealer Pal of mine

August 19, 2008 by , under Fear of Antiques.

“Hi Ronn,
So we all know that for the most part people are browsers that sometimes turn into customers but are usually just out wasting time. The move of my business has illustrated this perfectly.
Over the last two or three months we’ve been at the store only on occasion, usually to meet with an appointment or to move stuff out. We have a GIANT sign in the window stating that we’ve moved with the new address and name of the store.
During the move we’ve noticed 4 types of “customers”:
Type 1> The most common, they kind of notice that there is a sign and do a slow drive past the window, read the note and they keep driving, usually in the opposite direction of our new space.
Type 2> They don’t notice the empty window or the sign. They park and walk up and yank on the door, if they notice me they’ll knock. I’ll explain that we’ve moved and give them the new address. Usually they half heartedly take the new address and drive off in the opposite direction.
Type 3> They are actually looking for something, ask if they can find it on the website and will go off towards the new store space.
Type 4> Will actually make an appointment to see specific items and usually buy said items.
I like type 4 the best of course.
Yesterday we had gone by to remove the final piece of the store, the sign. The building has been rented, the store is empty, it’s very obvious that the store is empty. There is nothing inside but an empty display case and the giant sign in the window. You CAN’T miss it. We had just finished loading the last of the sign and were getting ready to leave. We see Type 1′s drive up. They apparently decide to ignore the sign, they park, they walk up to the building. They walk past 4, FOUR! large plate glass windows showing an empty store, they go to the front door, they yank on the door. Locked. They peer inside, they press their hands to the windows and look again. Then they knock. It’s obvious that there is NO ONE inside. They try the door again. Finally my husband can’t stand it and rolls down his window and tells them that we’ve moved. They ask if they can come in and look around. At WHAT!?!?
He tells them where we’ve moved to and gives directions. While he is explaining where we’ve moved to they are already walking away. They hear nothing. Foiled in their attempt at window shopping and brain picking for the day.
He thinks we could have been open on a saturday with 2 pieces of furniture and one shelf of random crap and most likely only 1 out of 10 would even comment on the lack of items.
Browser ZOMBIES!!!
The Big Flea Market was this weekend, it’s bi-monthly, and is always the same group of dealers with the same stuff. Mostly antiques and vintage, sometimes something interesting. Usually I don’t go since load in is on Friday, they don’t open to the public until Saturday and for the most part anything of real interest or value has changed hands several times and has been spirited off to someone’s storage unit or storefront by Friday evening. My husband really wanted to go and we had free entrance passes and some free time so we went.
It was like a giant ant farm, lots of people, but very little money was changing hands. And it was quiet. Eerily quiet, usually in a auditorium there is a hum of voices and activity. Strangely everyone was just sort of shuffling around in a circle looking without seeing and browsing without buying. Browser Zombies, they’re EVERYWHERE!!!
Rant 2
There is an interior designer here in town, I like him a lot. He has a great eye and buys good pieces as opposed to good LOOKING pieces like the majority of I-Ds. So he stops by the new place and mentions that he’s looking for a pair of chandeliers. I tell him I have one and the match is on the web, he can buy one from me and one from there and have a pair. Mine is priced at a THIRD of the one on the web.
He mentions that he’s been buying a lot on the East coast. I ask if he’s looked in our lighting section, he tells me he always forgets to look at our site.
This burns my butt. I’m HERE, I’m affordable and there is NO SHIPPING. WHY is he looking at a distant store but can’t remember to look at a local website. “Whhhyyy?!??!” she shouts into a void and a flock of crows fly up into a grey sky….
Yes, my feelings were hurt.
Not a rant but an aside..
Another friend of mine who has a very high end store here in town, a gorgeous mix of original abstract modernist paintings, 18th century (not in the style of but actual 18th century) antiques, and other gorgeousness called the other day. Did I want to come by for a chat and to maybe wholesale purchase some goodies? I love this guy, he’s really on the ball, doesn’t take shit from people looking to do some chain yanking and really knows his stuff. He’s on more auction mailing lists than me and his research library makes my 500+ library look like a russian garage sale in the early 80s (pitiful). He’s also been good enough to share info that I never would have come across on my own. So I pull up to his store, there’s a giant For Lease sign in the lot. He owns his building. Like me he bought in an “up and coming” area that has fizzled in terms of upward mobility.
We shot the breeze for a few hours and I bought some great paintings, pottery and furniture. He has also moved into another shop and is also letting his ‘space mate’ deal with the day to day. It’s a global thing we’ve decided. Everyone wants to look and no one is buying unless it’s a giveaway.
It made me feel a little better that it’s across the board.
Hows by you?”

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I read Consumer Reports

January 26, 2008 by , under Fear of Antiques.

I have for years.
Sometimes they’re very useful. Sometimes they state the obvious. There was a little of both in an article they did in August 2007: “Winning at ebay”.
First, let me say I’ve never sold on ebay, I am not a member of ebay, and I do not have a PayPal account. I have no connections to ebay. This is by choice.
A few statistics from ebay/Consumer Reports:
- Nearly HALF of ebay buyers surveyed “said they’d encountered deceptions”.
- Last year, the Federal Internet Crime Complaint Center received c. 39,000 consumer complaints about internet auctions.
- Buyers can unintentionally end up with unsafe products through this venue, since it is an international source and not under U.S. safety and ban laws.
- No one can expect ebay to catch all the cons. It’s a huge monster that cannot be fully controlled. We both know that.
- 30% of the buyers were not satisfied with their purchases. That’s a huge percentage. Would you go to a grocery store where, upon arriving home, you found three of every ten items rotten in your bags?
- 10% did not arrive “on time”. I am not sure what this means.
- 10% of the items were not accurately described. I’m surprised it’s not higher, frankly. This makes me think buyers are not discerning enough to spot the inaccuracy.
- c. 50% said ebay was not a good source for hard-to-find items.
- 40% said ebay was rated fair-to-poor in customer support. THAT sounds like General Motors and Chrysler!
- Only 62% of those scammed failed to ever get their problems resolved.
- 89% of buyers used PayPal. Avoid any of the unsafe, difficult to prove, difficul- to-recover-your-losses methods of payment.
- 34% of unhappy buyers complained to PayPal and said it did not help.
Consumer Reports gives advice on trying to deal with this phenomenon:
- Check feedback. Look for at least a 99% approval rating.
- Avoid shady sellers. Well, DUH! They suggest read the TERMS of sale. DOUBLE DUH! Also, check whether the seller has changed identities. Only 13% of buyers surveyed did that.
- Confirm the sellers information by email. Get an address and phone number. If they don’t want to give it to you… well, reconsider.
- Review the sellers products. If they sell computers one month, and hard candy the next, well… reconsider.
- Comparison shop. Another DUH! However, auctions reap benefits from those who do NO such thing. IMPULSE BUYERS are the Sitting Ducks at the Auction Shoot.
- Watch the “language” used. “In the style of”, “inspired by”, etc. mean the items are NOT what the seller would rather you THINK they ARE. They’re doing standard C.Y.A. chatter.
- Be alert for “oddball” auctions. In this world, I have no idea what “oddball” is anymore.
- Sniping should be expected. That’s only a concern to you if you’re NOT set in your bid. And, if you’re NOT set in your bid…YOU are called, what?… You’re called a Sitting Duck.
- Don’t blow your buyer reputation by being a flake, liar, con, etc. yourself! It’s not just sellers who are unreliable and dirty, remember. They have to watch out for, ahem, “you” too!!
- NEVER open or follow email links claiming to be from ebay. You’re being Phished, and that’s trouble.
IF you’ve been scammed, notify:
The Federal Trade Commission (www.ftc.gov), or,
The Internet Crime Complaint Center (www.ic3.gov).
Supply the ebay link(s).
What’s always been true, is still true: When you find someone reliable and honest, stick with them. If you’re out looking for Mr. Goodbar every night, you gonna git stabbed. Don’t expect a lot of weeping at your funeral.

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Do YOU have “A.D.D.”?

November 24, 2007 by , under Fear of Antiques.

Antiques Deficit Disorder

 

How to identify a Carrier of A.D.D.:

- Always wears the latest, newest, mall/boutique-bought fashion.
- Always has a concerned, “Am I acceptable?” look on his/her face.
- Wants to buy a new car every year.
- Believes the latest toothpaste and tampon ARE new and improved.
- Hair, fake hair, and fingernails are changed once a month, minimum.
- Privately worries about ability to maintain these budgetary demands.
- (You get the idea.)

Resulting personal problems of the A.D.D. person:

- Over-extension of budget.
- Hyper-tension in pre-social scenarios.
- Hyper-tension in social scenarios.
- Hyper-tension in post-social scenarios.
- Excessive acquisition of fashionable objects, and excessive removal of out-of-fashion objects.
- Desperate need to belong in and to every group and movement of the moment. This will change on a monthly basis.

Those to benefit from the victims of A.D.D.:

- Malls
- The Shopping Channel
- Fund raisers
- Thrift stores
- Flea marketeers
- Dumpster divers
- and eventually: Antiques dealers

Those who involuntarily share the curse of A.D.D. with the victim:

- Younger siblings (hand me downs)
- The main income earner (hand it overs)
- The Carrier’s friends, who always appear “awkward” (out of fashion) to the A.D.D. Afflicted.

How to spot the person WITHOUT Antiques Deficit Disorder (never had it or has been cured of it) (and there IS hope):

- They’re happy.
- They love history, design thought, philosophy, art, their favorite shirt, their reliable car, their wise investments in antiques, their home (not house, not “the place they stay”), and they know the difference between fashion and good design.
- They’re curious AND satisfied.
- They’re STILL happy.

If you know anyone with this devastating, painful, often culturally contagious disease, please – PLEASE – help them. If you LOVE them, TAKE THEM ANTIQUING – before it’s too late! God Bless you.

 

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