Archive for 'Uncategorized'

Thanksgiving 2011

November 24, 2011 by Ronn Ives, under Uncategorized.

 

I’m thankful for…
- the use of my body
- the use of my mind
- the use of my spirit
- this life in this time in this country
- my Family, close Friends, Teachers, and pleasant Acquaintances.
My wife rattling around in the kitchen while playing Hank Williams Sr..
I’m thankful for
- my ears
- my memory.
Hot black coffee next to me on my desk in FUTURES as I type these words to you.
I’m thankful for
- my taste buds
- my baby – this business – which has, in its multiple forms, survived longer than anyone could have reasonably guessed
- much – not all – of the digital revolution
- you sitting here reading this right now.
Another sunny, almost-chilly, breezy day at the edge of Big Waters.
I’m thankful for
- my sense of touch
- my vision
- having lived in other places.
E-chatting with one of my oldest friends.
I’m thankful for
- language
- neighbors
- people with senses of humor.
My wife and I watched a faux-documentary entitled “Garden”.  It’s not a documentary if it sets out to boost one agenda while damaging or excluding other pertinent points of view.
I’m thankful for
- moving pictures and sound recording
- the huge selection of obscure films available to us
- my Wife.
This afternoon, we will be gathering with good friends for Thanksgiving.
I’m thankful for
- creative thought and action
- artificial light
- the fact we are both still working, and capable of doing so.
A web order just came in for FUTURES Antiques.
I’m thankful for
- people who speak when they know it will help
- people who make it easier for the next person.
I remember when my next door business neighbor Heidi would arrive from picking up her young daughter Lily at school. Lily is a tiny girl, even tinier than my grand daughter Alexandra. She always said “Hi Ronn” and gave me a casual wave as she walked by, and I always said “Hi Lily” and gave her a casual wave. We were cool.
I’m thankful for
- people who aren’t controlled by age, color, size, nationality, religion, or sex.

 

A TOP TEN survey shows what NO American is thankful for (going from #10 to #1) (go ahead – now – try to guess the #1 gripe in the United States):
- spam
- waiting for repair people
- discourteous cell phone use
- unreliable internet service
- dog poop
- incomprehensible bills
- cell phone use by drivers
- tailgating
- not getting a human on the phone
and the #1 gripe:
- hidden fees

Therefore, I am grateful for
- spam filters
- eliminating business with companies that have long waiting periods
- my store stereo which I’d turn up if someone was being discourteous on a cell phone
- reliable internet service
- a lack of people who let their dogs crap on property I traverse…

- Okay, I’m NOT grateful for

- incomprehensible bills
- drivers who abuse cell phones
- tailgating creeps riding the ass of my car
- anything related to telephone menus, and,

- Okay, I’m NOT grateful for hidden feces, dogs included… wait, what? Oh, FEES not FECES !! ……………………………..Well, same thing.

 

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NEWS from FUTURES Antiques !

September 3, 2011 by Ronn Ives, under Uncategorized.

 

 

I am expanding inventory and services related to vintage and antique CLOCKS.  I have teamed with a mechanical and electric clock perfectionist (who has done my restorations and repairs for years).  The difference is we will be pursuing and restoring MORE clocks, AND offering restoration/repair for YOUR existing clocks!   

 

 

So, “WATCH” for more clocks, and if you need yours brought back to life, we’ll handle it in typical FUTURES fashion: thoroughly, correctly, and artistically.

Ronn Ives, owner

 

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Boo! Hiss!!

July 9, 2011 by Ronn Ives, under Films, Uncategorized.

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TOP TEN MOST OVER-RATED “HISTORICAL” MOMENTS !

July 8, 2011 by Ronn Ives, under Uncategorized.

 

1.  Adam & Eve 
2.  The Battle of little Big Horn (Custer’s last Stand)
3.  The kidnapping of the Lindberg baby
4.  The acquittal of O.J. Simpson
5.  The Tate/LaBianca murders by Charles Manson’s followers
6.  The death of Marilyn Monroe
7.  The plane crash deaths of Buddy Holly, Big Bopper, and Richie Valens
8.  The Battle of the Alamo
9.  The successful summit climb of Mount Everest
10. Al Jolson singing “Mammy” in the first “talkie” movie

 

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The End of the World. Again.

May 13, 2011 by Ronn Ives, under Uncategorized.

 

 

THE May 13th – 21st 2011 DOOMSDAY PROPHECIES On Facebook

 

 

 

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now: The World Ends in a few daze – May 21st, about 6:30 pm.  I guess I’ll cancel my subscription to “Consumer Reports”.

Sara Collins: SHEW! What a relief! I’m having a really bad week.

Steve Bayer: Can I come by and get those pink and black lamps? I’ll pay for them on the 22nd.

Ronn Ives to Sara: This is WHY, My Daughter. (I’m talking in religio-fashion just to cover my a**.)

Ronn Ives Steve: Thanks for the Faith, but NO.

Steve Bayer: Dang…. I give you an offer you can’t lose on and ya still turn it down. You can’t lose because (A) if the world DOESN’T end, you make the sale… and (B) if the world DOES end, it won’t matter.

Ronn Ives to Steve, Steve, Steve… you didn’t factor in Reincarnation, and baby, I’ll Be Back…

Steve Bayer: Then you make the sale via in-store financing and make even MORE money – imagine the financing charges the account would accrue – 18 years at 9% interest!

Ronn Ives: Let me get out my Official Stone Tablet Calculator, and I’ll let you know how the numbers look.

Kristen Ziegler: Haha.

Ronn Ives: If we have but 8 daze left, I need to get on it right away!

Jason Bayless: Hey Ron, not sure you know this but we interviewed Brother Mike – creator of site http://May-212011.com/ – you can listen to the interview here http://radio.zombie-popcorn.com/?p=787

Ronn Ives: I’ll go, but I’ll be scared!!!!

Ronn Ives: Brother Mike lives next door to me (but I’ve never seen him), and I know he agrees with me about the herds of Thumpers!

Steve Bayer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ju9cECjpbbs

Ronn Ives: Suddenly I have the urge to watch the old movie “Sinbad the Sailor”. I dunno why.

Matthew Sult: They said sunset….. is that sunset in the holy land, Eastern Time Zone, does daylight savings figure into this?! Time to reschedule.

Paul Casper: yeah,on zombie popcorn we interviewed one of the main guys from this church, that’s claiming the world will end on the 21st, although, according to them, it’s the rapture on the 21st, judgement day will come some time around October. So, you still have some time to watch more movies.

Steve Bayer ‎@Paul: yes, watch while you can because after judgement day, the only movies available will be “The Ten Commandments” and “The Passion of Christ”. The only television program will be “The 700 Club” 24/7. Welcome to hell on earth.

Ronn Ives: Hey wait! I was wantin’ to watch “Terminator – Judgment Day”!!!!

Kerensa Davenport: Oh, that.

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: The white Irises bloomed before the purple Irises. True!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: (You tell me what Signs YOU have seen!!”

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Herds of increasingly agitated Thumpers – pacing and braying on street corners. True story!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Jet vapor trails in the sky yesterday made a Tic Tac Toe board! The Game is about up! True story!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: (Give me your Insights!)

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: The bird poop around the edge of our bird bath spelled something!!! True story!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Not one driver tried to kill me on I-264 yesterday!!!! THAT scared the hell outa me!! True story!

Bárbara Martins likes this.

Ronn Ives: Were they already taken up or down??? I don’t know!!!!!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Normally, on a day when the wind is blowing to the north, I can hear the Tigers and Elephants at the Zoo. Yesterday, while sitting in my store, I heard NONE of them!! True story!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: There was a Silverfish on the bedroom wall last night. I got a piece of wet toilette paper, walked up to it, it stared at me and in its tiny, TINY voice squeaked the letters “P. I. T. A.”. I squished it and flushed it down the toilette. I wonder what it meant? True story!

Chelsey Barnes: silverfish….*shudder*

Ronn Ives: I’ll never forget that tiny, Tiny, TINY voice spelling something cryptic!!!!!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: (YOUR turn! We need triangulated confirmations!)

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I saw a man named Piotr LICK a used vase in public yesterday. True story!

Peter (Piotr) Wozniak likes this.

Chris Edsall Nickel: Now I have to know – why did he lick the vase?

Ronn Ives to Chris:…. you actually expect ME to be able to explain THAT?? I just report what I see. I ain’t no Psycho man!

Ronn Ives to Peter: Do you KNOW that nut?

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Today is FRIDAY THE 13th!!! True story!
Yesterday at 10:08am · LikeUnlike ·

Sara Cauthen Landfear: My first AND second dates with Wes were on Friday the 13th (Feb./March 1987). Thus, the date is redeemed. But your other signs definitely point to the END.

Ronn Ives: Thank you Sara. THIS one had me spooked! The others ones, well, they happen a lot. RIGHT???

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Two daze ago, I had a “crazy” woman sitting out front of my store. She was screaming “in tongues”. Later, when the police drove by, she’d VANISHED!! True story! I can’t make this stuff up!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I sold 2 faux leopard skin pillows yesterday. Not ONE. TWO!! True story!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I sold 2 faux leopard skin pillows yesterday. Not ONE. TWO!! True story!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Two daze ago, driving down a street that most people fear, I followed a silver Lamborghini Diablo. DIABLO!! Need I say more???? True story!

Peggy Duval: was it red??? cuz I saw it too

Ronn Ives: Sorry. Like I said, it was SILVER. What? You think I make this stuff up? No I do not!!!

Peggy Duval: but mine was red…really!!

Ronn Ives: Double Diablo-y!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I watched a Starling build a nest inside a street light. NOW I know that was a brilliant move!! True story!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Last night I watched 3 full episodes of “Da Ali G / Borat / Bruno Show”. I’m doomed to Hell.

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: My wife’s name spelled backwards is “TAP”. Hello? “T.AKE the A.LTERNATE P.ATH”!!?? HELLO????? True story!

I wonder if there are people here who are reading only the first sentence (below) and think all these postings are alike? Man are THEY doomed!!

“As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..”

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: The MONKEY that lives in my backyar…. OH, WAIT! I KNOW WHAT TO DO!! I’m changing my name and shaving my beard off at 6:29 pm on Doomsday!!!!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. I need to change my identity or something…

Robert Bradley Thompson: What timezone are we talking about here?

Robert Bradley Thompson: Or is it a rolling rapture? In which case we should have plenty of notice.

Ronn Ives: I KNEW that would come up. Brother Mike would probably say 6:30 pm Middle Eastern Time, but I’m not sure. I wish I was. It could affect the time I should change my identity.

Robert Bradley Thompson: I was assuming it would start on the international date line.

Ronn Ives: Assume nothing, My Brother in Doom!!

Ronn Ives: Well, it’s time to go… It’s been nice knowing you, it really has.

Matt Strelecki: What’s going on?

Barb Jump: Well, at least you didn’t invest in new shoes. That would have really been a waste.

Jane Lopez: First off I must correct you.. May 21th is Judgement Day.  And second the doomsday part wont come till the 21st of october. So we can enjoy the planet for a few months after the crazies vanish.. rofl!!!

Jane Lopez: Just make sure to avoid the highways.. if ppl really start to vanish I don’t think their cars will go with them…lol

Ronn Ives: Oh, MY bad! Judgment Day! And thanks for the good ad-vice, Jane.

Ronn Ives to Barb: You’re so right.

Ronn Ives to Matt: Judgment Day, man!! Where you been?

Kerensa Davenport: I know you’re not giving up FB… how else can small business do ‘word of mouth’ so effortlessly?

Ronn Ives: True… whenever FB doesn’t censor me, anyhow.

Jane Lopez: Ill contact everyone on october 22 just to make sure we all didn’t vaporize..lol

Ronn Ives: I think that’s a very good idea. Wait… will that work????

Crystal Hagan: Wow I’m lol-ing. I think I’ll go run all my credit cards to their limit. Because ya know what the hell it’s not like I’ll have to pay them!

Ronn Ives: Dear Crystal, There’s some stuff I want. Will you buy it for me? Thanks. Ronn.

Ronn Ives added 3 new photos to the album Things I think I saw…
Things I think I saw…

Kuri Whitedemon, Peter Wozniak, Terry Jernigan and 6 others like this.

Ronn Ives WHAT did I tell you? Judgment Day is a-comin’!!

Ronn Ives Do you SEE how the reflections in this mirror VANISHED??????????? I’m getting spooked!!!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I photographed a mirror laying on the sidewalk, and all its reflections vanished!! True story! Don’t believe me, do you? Okay, I’ll post the photos here!!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Doomsday will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: My wife said it thundered last night, but I heard nothing. This CANNOT be a good Sign!! True story!

Ronn Ives: Pardon me, “Judgment Day”.

Jane Lopez: Judgment day.. doomsday… dnslehfiaw day.. its all the same.. hahahahaha

Ronn Ives: Man! It’s not D’nslehfiaw Day already again is it???!! I didn’t get you anything Jane! I’m so sorry!!!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m., give or take a comet or whatever.

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I am Dyslexic. True story! I often see the True Meaning behind The Things. Re: “Dooms Day”: do you know what “DOOM” spelled backwards is? That’s right!!! Scary, ain’t it?!!

Christine Strickland Barker: Beware Smood Day!

Ronn Ives: I thought Smood Day was last Thursday? I burned a bush and everything in preparation!!! Don’t tell me I did that for NO REASON!!!???

Sara Collins: I am still waiting on SNOOD day. When is that, pray tell. Hope it’s before May 21st!

Ronn Ives to Christine: Yeh, when IS Smood Day? We really need to know!
As you must know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m.. I sold my house yesterday and now sleep down by the creek.

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I dreamed I saw a giant Water Rat! True story! It could have something to do with sleeping down by the creek, but I doubt it.

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m.. Yesterday, I gave all my expensive, fragile, antique Tea Sets to any homeless people who walked by.

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Late yesterday, I saw a homeless man delicately sipping WD 40 from a porcelain tea cup. True story!

Wes Kennedy: Funny. I usually huff WD40 straight from the spray can.

Ronn Ives: That would explain what I THOUGHT was lip gloss…

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m.. I reevaluated my extensive collection of Chick Religious Tract booklets.

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I tried to give my Chick booklets to street corner evangelists – and they ran away from me!! True story!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: One person blockethed me from their Facethbook! The Omens are Uponeth Us, truly!! True story!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: My OCD has increased. True story!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I’m wondering if there’s much point in recycling…

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I can FEEL it coming! Yesterday was Friday the 13th… today, it’s the 14th! The Clock Ticketh!! True story!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I watched a crazy man walk down the sidewalk like one of those movie Zombies. A couple blocks down, he sat on a bus bench. If the bus stopped, it would take him back UP the street, and he would’ve gotten nowhere!! This was one scary Sign!!!! True story!

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, about 6:30 p.m.. It’s only one week away, today. “WEEK” = “WEAK” ! Get it??

I’ve seen all The Signs.

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now: The World Ends in a few daze – May 21st, about 6:30 pm.

I’m thinking of doing that thing I wanted to do but was afraid of getting caught except now I guess there’s nothing to lose so I’ll go ahead and do it.

Who’s with me!!!?????

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now: The World Ends in a few daze – May 21st, about 6:30 pm.

I’m thinking of doing that thing I wanted to do but was afraid of getting caught except now I guess there’s nothing to lose so I’ll go ahead and do it…

Ronn Ives:  I have long hair, but it’s getting thin, so I’m going to do a massive comb-over into a hair sculpture of a duck just as it’s taking off from a pond. It’ll be really cool. I’ll need someone to spray it into place as I work. If you don’t have any plans for Doomsday, would you help?

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now: The World Ends in a few daze – May 21st, about 6:30 pm. That’s NEXT Saturday… so, um, THIS is our LAST FULL SATURDAY NIGHT! Par-tay har-day! or something…

Larry Ives: I guess i won’t have to work monday or anytime after that

Ronn Ives: You CAN if you WANT!

Larry Ives: I’ll call in dead.

Ronn Ives: As you must know by now: The World Ends in a few daze – May 21st, about 6:30 pm. That’s NEXT Saturday… so, um, you have 1 hour and 42 minutes left of the Last Full Saturday Night. FEVER time !!!!!

Ronn Ives: As you certainly know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Our brains are slowly being turned off in preparation for the Rapture. I watched “i, Robot” tonight and enjoyed my drooling. True story!

Peter Wozniak Great movie lol…whats your favorite scene?!??

Ronn Ives The one where Will Smith takes all that insane punishment and is still able to crack a joke. Oh wait, that’s the ENTIRE movie…

Ronn Ives: As you certainly know by now, Judgment Day WILL be here May 21st, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Here’s another example to add to the list of hundreds I’ve written below: My insensitivity to Life has now been shown to me. For the first time EVER, as I drove home after work on the freeway, I had the stereo OFF. It was THEN I heard…

Ronn Ives: ‎…tiny little screams as bugs hit my windshield. True story! All these years… I’ve been so cruel… so oblivious. Oh, and get this – I drive a Volkswagen Karma Ghia. Yeh, I know!!! I am SO DOOMED.

Kristen Menefee Runberg: So roll with it…https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=121968371215699

Ronn Ives: I joined! I’m gonna loot FUTURES Antiques!

Ronn Ives: As you certainly know by now, Judgment Day WILL be here May 21st, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Here’s another example to add to the list of hundreds I’ve written below: There is a tree near my store that has a face in the bark. Every day it scares me. I tore off its nose. I am SO DOOMED.

Ronn Ives: As you certainly know by now, Judgment Day WILL be here May 21st, at about 6:30 p.m..

To all of you with birthdays after May 21st, let me wish you an early Happy Birthday, and may you have many, ma…. uh… maybe you should go out tonight and celebrate…

Ronn Ives: As you certainly know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Normally, when I catch someone spraying graffiti, I blind and cripple them. There’s a new one in the hood. I’m gonna give him a pass. He has only to May 21st anyhow… plus, I hate it when they’re screaming out those fake apologies.

Ronn Ives: As you certainly know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, at about 6:30 p.m..

HERE’S A QUESTION FOR YOU:

SINCE YOU HAVE ONLY 6 MORE DAYS…

WHAT MOVIES WILL YOU WATCH???????????????

One of mine will be “The Green Pastures” (1936).

Matt Strelecki: Armageddon.

Ronn Ives: A FINE choice, sir. Fine choice.

Jane Lopez: Apocalypto..since I might not get to see it in 2012

Ronn Ives: Ah, also a wise choice. You two are helping me plan my week!

Ronn Ives: As you certainly know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. No, REALLY!  Example:  There was no bird poop in the bird bath this morning.  True story!

Ronn Ives: As you certainly know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Actually, I can’t tell you about THIS ONE yet (because it hasn’t happened), but I expect a weird sale in my store today. True story (when I report it)! Watch for it!!!! I’m already nervous!

Ronn Ives: As you certainly know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I walk outside my home this morning. Out in front yard was a baby rabbit about the size of an apple, I swear. Then I walked around to the back, and there was the rabbit, but…

Ronn Ives: As you certainly know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I walk outside my home this morning. Out in front yard was a baby rabbit about the size of an apple, I swear. Then I walked around to the back, and there was the rabbit, but…
…it was now about the size of a cat! I walked back to the front, and there it was AGAIN, but it’d shrunk back to the size of an apple. I ran in the house. True story. These Signs have me all jittery…

Ronn Ives: I need another cup of coffee.

Karin Bartimole: I am very scared… verrrrry scared.

Ronn Ives Psssst.. quiet!!!

Ronn Ives: As you certainly MUST know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: May 21 = 7 X 3 !!!!! 21 !! True story! (See the 3 stories down below!!)

Ronn Ives: As you certainly MUST know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: We had pizza tonight. I REFUSED to have a THIRD slice!!! True story! (See the Signs down below!)

Ronn Ives: As you certainly MUST know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I had groups of people arrive at my store today. All the groups had THREE people! True story! (Read the Sign below!!)

Ronn Ives: As you certainly MUST know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: This afternoon, starting at THREE o’clock, THREE rains came and went. This was The Trinity of Rains, similar to The Bermuda Triangle and The Three Stooges… you understand? True story!

I’ve seen ALL The Signs of the Coming Judgment, my Friends. I will continueth to posteth them… eth for you… all… eth.

Judgment Day: May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Actually, if THIS is a Sign, it’s a pathetic one: I hear the tee-vee show “Survivor” plans to broadcast live. Now THAT’S entertainment!!! True story!

Judgment Day is May 21st, 2011, c. 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. If THIS is a Sign, it’s a dull one: I hear the tee-vee show “Gilligan’s Island” will be re-run as a “How-To” show. THAT’S entertainment? True story!

Judgment Day is May 21st, 2011, c. 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. If THIS is a Sign, it’s one from Hell: I hear the tee-vee show “Lost in Space” will be re-run 24/7 this week on all channels! True story!

Judgment Day is May 21st, 2011, c. 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. If THIS is a Sign, it’s a surreal one: I hear the tee-vee show “I Love Lucy” will be re-run as a “Drama” with no laff-track. True story!

Ronn Ives: As you certainly MUST know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Actually, if THIS is a Sign, it’s a pathetic one: I’m BORED. BORED with this Judgment Day stuff. I don’t think I can hold out to the 21st. I need more entertainment!!! True story!

Ronn Ives: Provide some entertainment!!!

Kendell Snyder: I’ve been watching these updates and laughing my butt off the entire time. Here in DC they have flooded the city with them, there are protesters, signs, even advertisements on the public transporation! SO, just in case it’s true, Saturday afternoon I’m gonna grab a pack of Joe Camels, a bottle of Jack, and put in “casablanca” and that’s going to be my entertainment. How much better of a “goodbye” could you give?

Ronn Ives: Kendell, that’s a damned good idea! And, if by “watching these updates” you mean MY Seeing the Signs, I’m glad I could help. True story!!!

Kendell Snyder: lol

Paul Casper: Check out this list of previous Doomsday predictions!  http://www.bible.ca/pre-date-setters.htm

Ronn Ives: As you certainly MUST know by now, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: “STOP”! There is no longer any reason for any person to exaggerate or lie to another person. Imagine… starting today, SIX short days of everyone telling nothing but the Truth!! True story!

Ronn Ives: As you KNOWeth, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Starting today, our LAST SIX DAYS will be filled with everyone telling nothing but the Truth!! For example, look down… NO ONE thinks you should wear THOSE shoes. Throw them out your car window tonight. Truth!

Ronn Ives: As you KNOWeth, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Starting today, our LAST SIX DAYS will be filled with everyone telling nothing but the Truth!! For example, all that Ikea crap you bought? It’s time to look-at-it-wrong and make it fall-to-pieces. Bonus: You’ll feel like a powerful psychic! True!

Ronn Ives: As you KNOWeth, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Starting today, our LAST SIX DAYS will be filled with everyone telling nothing but the Truth!! For example, there’s a REASON all underwear SHOULD be white and made of cotton… and you know it. Prepare for the End. Truth!

Ronn Ives: As you KNOWeth, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: You’ve mowed your last lawn, have no reason to ever wash dishes again, and, really, if you want to get down to it, toilette flushing is becoming an option. True story!

Ronn Ives: As you KNOWeth, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: If you own a Boa Constrictor, Alligator, or Locust collection, it’s time to let them go. True story!

Ronn Ives: As you KNOWeth, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: There’s no longer any “big” reason to worry about all those dangerous Made-in-China electric lamps bursting into flames. If they don’t last to the May 21st, you can always stay with a friend for those last few days anyhow. Or, if you’re asleep when it happens, hey, what’s six days? True story!

Andy Fouss: You need to get out into the sun more….:P

Ronn Ives: Dude, You don’t think I sit in that sidewalk chair ENOUGH already?!!!

Andy Fouss: Hmmm……use sunscreen, must be the ozone or something….

Ronn Ives: As you KNOWeth, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: I know a whole bunch of people who are now making little religious figurines out of the dust bunny material around their houses. True story!

Ronn Ives: As you KNOWeth, Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m..

I’ve seen all The Signs. Really, ALL of them. Example: First, I was thinking that yesterday was the last time I would clip my fingernails. Then I remembered they keep growing after you’re dead. I’m pretty upset about this. True story!

Ronn Ives: Oh oh. It’s certain Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m.!

I’ve seen all The Signs. Really, ALL of them. Example: I was putting strawberries on my cereal this morning, and I saw that some are beginning to get squishy spots and mold!! It IS a Sign!

Ronn Ives: Yeh, breakfast did not go all that well this morning, as you can read. I’m already nervous about it for tomorrow…

Kamila Roslerova Williams: You should start indulging in the serious breakfast things – pizza, beer, ice cream, etc. None of it will have time to get squashy over the next 4 days:-)

Ronn Ives: You are SO smart! Thank you, K. !!

Ronn Ives: Oh oh. It’s certain Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m.!

I’ve seen all The Signs. Really, ALL of them. Example: As usual, I was out counting the birds in my neighborhood this morning, and one of them is missing!! It IS a Sign!

Matt Strelecki: Which time zone? East coast, west coast…

Ronn Ives: East Coast. The missing bird was at exactly, and GET THIS, Matt!!! – 5:21 !!! That’s May 21 !!!

Matt Strelecki: East coast? That makes it “around” 5:30 my time…could it actually be 5:21 my time??? Noooooooooo!

Ronn Ives: Well… um… I think there IS 9 minutes between your house and mine, though.

Ronn Ives: Oh oh. It’s certain Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m.!

I’ve seen all The Signs. Really, ALL of them. Example: This morning, using my Krups machine, I was grinding my coffee beans. As they reached a fine grind, the grinding sound changed to a choral version of Wagner’s “The Ride of the Valkyries”!!! Ja, It IS der Sign!

Ronn Ives: Oh oh. It’s certain Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m.!

I’ve seen all The Signs. Really, ALL of them. Example: Right now, it is 9:09 a.m. EST. When I subtracted 388 (the # of birds I counted this morning – see below), I got 521 !!!! That’s 5-21 !!! That’s May 21 !!! It IS a Sign!

Manoli Farm: Is that Eastern Daylight Time?

Connie Blanchard: ‎6:30 pm……………… should I eat dinner or not?????

Ronn Ives: Manoli, Yes. Connie, Sure, what the hell.

Ronn Ives: Oh oh. It’s certain Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m.!

I’ve seen all The Signs. Really, ALL of them. Example: Today, I planned on painting part of the house. Earlier, it looked like rain. Now the sun is out. I KNOW this is a trap. No way will I fall for it!! It IS a Sign… or something!

Ronn Ives: Oh crap! At first I thought it was a joke, but it’s CERTAIN – Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m.!

I’ve seen all The Signs. Really, ALL of them. Example: You know what Saturday is? “Armed Forces” Day. Do you think it refers to the military? I think not!! It refers to Kali!!! It IS a Sign.

Ronn Ives: Seriously, I’m about to give up! At first I thought it was a joke, but it’s CERTAIN – Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m.!

ONLY THREE DAYS LEFT! I’ve seen all The Signs. Really, ALL of them. Example: Oh, never mind. The problem is there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s been nice knowing you.

Wait, there are a few religious icons at FUTURES Antiques… It couldn’t hurt…

Steve Bayer: Do you have any handcarts? I think that will be my mode of transportation that day.

Ronn Ives: I’m done sold out. Fine condition, antique hobo carts ARE NOT easy to find, Steve! I’ll let you know if I get lucky before Saturday evening.

Ronn Ives: I’m about to give up! It’s CERTAIN – Judgment Day will be here May 21st, 2011, at about 6:30 p.m.!

ONLY THREE DAYS LEFT! I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Oh, never mind. The problem is there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s been nice knowing you.

Wait, what if at that exact time you were kneeling in your garden harvesting plant lives… ?? It couldn’t hurt…

Ronn Ives: Some of you wish I’d give up, I know! But, it’s CERTAIN – Judgment Day, here, May 21st, 2011, 6:30 p.m.!

ONLY THREE DAYS LEFT! I’ve seen all The Signs. Example: Oh, never mind. The problem is there’s nothing we can do about it.

Wait, what if you went out to our local religionut’s house and laid down in his yard with your arms folded over your chest… ?? It couldn’t hurt…

Ronn Ives: It’s CERTAIN – Judgment Day, here, May 21st, 2011, 6:30 p.m.!

ONLY THREE DAYS LEFT! The problem is there’s nothing we can do about it. If ONLY – SOMEONE – had a DIRECT LINE to a Mighty Big Power…

Wait, what if you sent a postcard to our local religioman’s house and asked him to make a personal call just for you?? It couldn’t hurt…

Ronn Ives: It’s CERTAIN – Judgment Day, here, May 21st, 2011, 6:30 p.m.!

BLINDING WHITE LIGHT SPECIAL!!!! ONLY THREE DAYS LEFT! Act fast!! If ONLY – SOMEONE – had a DIRECT LINE to a Mighty Big Power…

Wait, what if we all stacked ourselves into a huge Human Pyramid and asked our local religiodolt to stand at the peak? During a lightning storm? It couldn’t hurt… us.

Ronn Ives: It’s CERTAIN – Judgment Day, here, May 21st, 2011, 6:30 p.m.!

BLINDING WHITE LIGHT SPECIAL!!!! ONLY THREE DAYS LEFT! Act fast!! If ONLY – SOMEONE – had a DIRECT LINE to a Mighty Big Power…

Wait, what if we all stacked ourselves into a huge Human Pyramid and asked our local religiodolt to stand at the peak? During a lightning storm? It couldn’t hurt… us.

Dean Heffelman: I thought my freind was going crazy until I read about it in the newspaper so it must be true since I read it…true story… 3 more days

Dean Heffelman: ‎…also just heard it on cnn…must be true…true story…3 more days

Ronn Ives: You KNOW me! Have I EVER uttered ONE word of b.s.. ??????????????????????????? There ya go!!

Steve Bayer: ONE word, singularly? No….. but I am in constant admiration of your ability to string multiple words together forming a most eloquent line of b.s.

Lisa Trengove-Jones: ditto Steve Bayer! haha!

Ronn Ives: Steve, Steve, Steve, and Lisa… I set up Dean for that comeback and you jumped in and took it from him! Shame, Shame, Shame on you opportunists!!!

Lisa Trengove-Jones: oh well, better luck next time

Ronn Ives: Dean wasn’t lurking, waiting…. like you two!!!

Steve Bayer: hrmph! In the official Facebook terms and conditions of use, page 12, paragraph 3.4.a, it specifically states “If a posting is not commented upon within 2 minutes, ANY user is free to respond to it.” and… *I* waited THREE minutes.

Ronn Ives: Steve. I didn’t know about the FB Rule Book. I bow to your skolarliness. Amen.

Steve Bayer: That’s OK.. I lives to edukate.

Ronn Ives: I knows you dew.  btw, not to be picky, but that’s “eduMAkate”.

Dean Heffelman: guess I’m late to the party again…

Steve Bayer: I believe most who know me would say that my tutelage has more of an “eduVAkate” effect.

Ronn Ives to Dean, sometimes that means everyone else gets to turn around and go “Oh LOOK! It’s DEAN!!!”

Ronn Ives: Steve, Wow. Can you say “tutelage” in public?

Ronn Ives: I know a few people who have a “edukissmekate” effect. THANK YOU GOODNIGHT TO EVERYONE IT’S TIME FOR ME TO MAKE THE DRIVE!!!

Steve Bayer: Oh? your store isn’t open yet? I was just in there and picked up quite a few nice things. I left the money on the counter.

Ronn Ives: No problem, buddy. I’ve always been on the Honor System.

Ronn Ives: “Crashing Down” (premier, May 21, 2011): Starring Reverend Mike, God, THOUSANDS of deluded extras pulled off of street corners, and a huge budget for special FX of weather, lightning, fire, and the gnashing of billions of teeth… … in a story about average people who have done ENOUGH and aren’t going to do it – or ANYTHING ELSE – anymore !!! …

‎… This isn’t a beautifully filmed work of art – it’s just a story (increasingly dark, bizarrely funny at times) – but what I like about it is the Period/Artifact quality about American culture, its falling apart, and the stresses put on average Thumpers every day. What would it take for YOU to SNAP and become a Doomsday nut? Watch this, and see if you [deep down and honestly] get any vicarious satisfaction from Rev Mike’s new, increasingly intense way of dealing with the world. The characters are generally two-dimensional (though Mike IS interesting, and God stands out as always), and the plot may not surprise you… but it’s still an interesting, whacked-out trip. Oh, and you know the End.

Ronn Ives: THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO DURING THE BIG JUDGMENT May 21, 2011, c. 6:30 pm:

DON’T drive! You could lose control and kill someone!! Wait… they’re dying anyhow! Woo hoo!! It’s “Demolition Derby” time!!

Ronn Ives: THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO DURING THE BIG JUDGMENT May 21, 2011, c. 6:30 pm:

Don’t over-eat. You could make yourself ill. Wait… we’re facing Automatic Bulimia anyhow! Woo hoo!!

Ronn Ives: THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO DURING THE UPCOMING BIG JUDGMENT Day of May 21, 2011, c. 6:30 pm:

Loot. Looting’s a lowdown thing to do. Wait… your loot is gonna be ripped right back out of your hands by Doomsday anyhow. GO FOR IT!! You’ve always wanted to give it a whirl!! Woo hoo!!

Ronn Ives: Things YOU SHOULD NOT DO during THE BIG JUDGMENT Day of May 21, 2011, c. 6:30 pm:

First of all, don’t fart in an elevator, and secondly, don’t do that chicken-crap thing of putting on a disgusted face and staring at whichever rider looks the most vulnerable. Wait… instead, let ‘em rip and then say “Yeh, THAT was a dandy!! It’s headed your way!!” Woo hoo!!

Ronn Ives: Things YOU SHOULD NOT DO during THE BIG JUDGMENT Day of May 21, 2011, c. 6:30 pm:

Don’t cuss in public. I know that will be VERY DIFFICULT for many of you. Wait… what the hell… on the last day, let’s all pretend we have Tourette Syndrome and see who can out-do who!! Woo hoo!!

Ronn Ives: Things YOU SHOULD NOT DO during THE BIG JUDGMENT Day of May 21, 2011, c. 6:30 pm:

Get your usual seasonal bikini waxing. Skip it and go to the beach in your new thong. It’s time everyone saw the real you anyhow! Ladies: You TOO!! Woo hoo!!

Ronn Ives: This was directed at you, Matt!

Ronn Ives: Things YOU SHOULD NOT DO during THE BIG JUDGMENT Day of May 21, 2011, c. 6:30 pm:

Just because Life is coming to an End does NOT mean you should tell-off people you can’t tolerate. Wait…. what’s the worst that could happen? They KILL you? Plus, if they do, that probably gets your hand stamped as a Martyr! Woo hoo!!

Ronn Ives: Things YOU SHOULD NOT DO during THE BIG JUDGMENT Day of May 21, 2011, c. 6:30 pm:

Don’t get your secret “Mr. Vengeance” spandex costume out of the closet, and go around wreaking havoc upon those who…. wait…. yeh, DO IT! Woo hoo!!

Ronn Ives: Things YOU SHOULD NOT DO during THE BIG JUDGMENT Day of May 21, 2011, c. 6:30 pm:

Don’t go over the Reverend Mike’s house and ask if you can join him in his bomb shelter. It shows no Faith on your part. And anyhow, he won’t be able to hear you.

Ronn Ives: Things YOU SHOULD NOT DO during THE BIG JUDGMENT Day of May 21, 2011, c. 6:30 pm:

DON’T: Dilly-dally. Drink gallons of coffee. RUN everywhere. Shove slow people out of your way. Don’t bother with those “Pardon me’s”. You have SO MUCH to make up for! You CAN’T let all those idiots ruin it for you now!!!

Ronn Ives: Things YOU SHOULD NOT DO during THE BIG JUDGMENT Day of May 21, 2011, c. 6:30 pm:

Don’t: Waste time! Don’t wash, wipe, wish, wonder, wheedle, whine, or weep. Now that you KNOW the End is Near, DO SOMETHING with your life!

However, feel free to willy whack or wocka wocka.

Ronn Ives: Judgment and Doomsday evidence I found in the Bibble:

“Ye, lest ye goeth to thy Doom, yon eldest son must keepeth his lip hair trimmed neatly unto his day of Judgment!”

Ronn Ives: Judgment and Doomsday evidence I found in the Bibble:

“Ye, lest ye goeth to thy Doom, bring one of thy young to the table, delivereth it to eternity, and then partaketh of they young upon sacred pita bread.”

Hey, I just report ‘em.

Ronn Ives: Judgment and Doomsday evidence I found in the Bibble:

“Ye, lest ye goeth to thy Doom, call upon thy seeds and mixeth with yon eggs, calling out ‘Giveth to me over-easy!’, and then Resteth in Peace.”

Hey, I just report ‘em.

Ronn Ives: Judgment and Doomsday evidence I found in the Bibble:

“Ye, lest ye goeth to thy Doom, yon Day will Cometh when said Analogeth Life is forsaken. Know ye this is the Beginning of thy End!!!”

Hey, I just report ‘em.

Ronn Ives: Judgment and Doomsday evidence I found in the Bibble:

“Ye, lest ye goeth to thy Doom, and I sayeth this to thine children of thine children of thine children: ‘Avoideth each and every oneth of yon sidewalk cracks, lest ye doeth great Harm to thine Mother.”

Hey, I just report ‘em.

Ronn Ives: Judgment and Doomsday evidence I found in the Bibble:

“Ye, lest ye goeth to thy Doom, hear loudly yon words of ye pathway corner orators, for They, and ONLY They, knoweth the way to both eternity and a dry place to sleepeth.”

Hey, I just report ‘em.

Ronn Ives: Judgment and Doomsday evidence I found in the Bibble:

“Ye, lest ye goeth to thy Doom, learneth from thy winged creatures that soar above Mankind and release the Truth uponeth thy mind.”

Hey, I just report ‘em.

Ronn Ives: Judgment and Doomsday evidence I found in the Bibble:

“Ye, lest ye goeth to thy Doom, Follow Thy Leader acrosseth yon valleys, alleys, and pallys. Tarry not, for thy hineth is at great Risk.”

I just report ‘em, okay?

Ronn Ives: Further Judgment Day Evidence I personally saw today: A guy said to me “Man, I thought you were joking about that Reverend Mike and all that, but you weren’t!” There ya go.

Ronn Ives: Further Judgment Day Evidence I personally saw today: No joke – I NEVER joke – I again saw the silver Lamborghini DIABLO drive past my store! DIABLO!!! There ya go.

Karin Bartimole likes this.

Justin Kauffman: kit cars dont count

Ronn Ives: ANOTHER Sign!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ronn Ives: Further Judgment Day Evidence I personally saw today: No joke – I NEVER joke – A woman comes in my store and asks “You sell big screen t.v. stands?” I said “They didn’t make them 100 years ago!” There ya go.

Ronn Ives: Further Judgment Day Evidence I personally saw today: No joke – I NEVER joke – A good friend of mine just had a Judgment go in her favor! There ya go.

Ronn Ives: Further Judgment Day Evidence I personally saw today: No joke – I NEVER joke – I was polishing some chrome today and I could not see my reflection. I realized I was a Vampire. Then I polished more and I realized I wasn’t a Vampire! There ya go.

John Schellhase:  Since the end of the world is tomorrow, you mind if I pilfer your album collection? Since you won’t be needing them …

Ronn Ives: No problem John. I’ll leave a note for you. It will direct you to the first one of thousands of the finest vinyl albums of all time. When you find #1, you’ll find a note on it directing you to #2, and so forth. I’ve been working on this for years. As you know, I’ve known this Day was Coming for a VERY long time…

Ronn Ives: I don’t think I can sleep tonight, what with knowing all about Judgment Day tomorrow evening…

Jason Bayless: Amsterdam? it is 5:14am there

Ronn Ives: The Dutch are fine. They know better. Tourists who don’t can go get stoned and sit in Vondel Park and wait… and fall asleep.

Ronn Ives: Oh oh.

It’s already May 21st, c. 6:30 pm, and… oh oh… Status Quo!!!

Ronn Ives: Okay, it’s not 6:30 pm HERE, but it IS in other places, and everyone is still there… SOME with VERY confused expressions… wishing they hadn’t spent their savings on plastic glow-in-the-dark icons.

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave: “We crunched the numbers. Re: the Judgment: There’s no doubt… …our number of followers is plummeting. Damn!”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave: “Re: the Judgment: We crunched the numbers… but on a Chinese calculator… and we discovered their calendar is all wrong. We’ll get back to you… In the meantime, keep those offerings comin’ in!”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave: “Re: the Judgment: Hey, it ain’t over ’til it’s over!! You just wait-n-see!!”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave say: “Re: the Judgment: The batteries were low on our calculators. We’ll go to Quickie Mart, get some new batteries, and get back to ya real soon!”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave say: “Re: the Judgment: You just wait! What do those godless foreigners in New Zealand know about prophecies and vanishing when you’re supposed to??????!!”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave say: “Re: the Judgment: Hey, if we’re wrong, you have NO RIGHT to Judge us!!! sayeth the… well, sayeth US!”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave say: “Re: the Judgment: …………. uh……………. .”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave say: “Re: the Judgment: I didn’t say it! HE did!!”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave say: “Re: the Judgment: Don’t blame US! It is Written !!! in our Newsletter!!”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave say: “Re: the Judgment: Hey!!! WHICH ONE OF YOU sent us those ‘I’m with Stupid!’ T-shirts????”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave say: “Re: the Judgment: Are YOU hot? I’m getting a little hot… Is it hot in here?….”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave say: “Re: the Judgment: You all misunderstood! What we MEANT was today was “Judging those little Dinner Mints” Day!”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave say: “Re: the Judgment: Hey Dave? Yeh, Mike? Dave, has your clock stopped? No, it hasn’t, Mike. No? Nope.

Damn…”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave say: “Re: the Judgment: Hey Dave. Yeh Mike? Dave, I think we’d better VANISH tonight. You’re right, Dave. I’m already packed, are you? Just let me get this last suitcase of Offerings closed and I’ll be ready…”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave say: “Re: the Judgment: Hey Dave? Yeh Mike? Do you think this will hurt our reputations? Do you mean make them worse? ….. Oh, right. Forget it…”

Ronn Ives: Reverends Mike-n-Dave say: “Re: the Judgment: Hey Dave! Yeh Mike? I heard that in an Ancient tongue the word “judgment” means “the orifice of a donkey’s hindquarters”. Do you think that’s true?, Dave?” “Hell no! I woulda got a Sign if that were True!!”

“God made Earth as one big Special Olympics playing field, and sponsors us all.” – Ronn Ives, 2011

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NOW is too old to understand

April 16, 2011 by Ronn Ives, under Uncategorized.

 

Last night, My wife and I watched a Double Feature of early, mediocre Jimmy Stewart films: “Made for Each Other” and “Pot O’ Gold“.  One, a rough attempt at making a “serious” statement (M.F.E.O. – NOT by Frank Capra), one, a MUSICAL (P.O.G.).  Jimmy in a musical?  ‘Fraid so.  The redeeming factors in both (1939, 1941) were the decor, fashions, cars, etc..  Naturally, I poked fun at the musical and its ridiculous scenarios.  What IS WITH those dopey things anyhow?

My involvement in design helps me interpret visual cues in older films.  The cues would’ve been completely clear to a contemporary 1939 movie audience (for example), yet those same cues would be lost to most of us now.

Examples:

If you know nothing about old cars, you can’t understand that the car X person is driving was chosen by the set decorators to define this character, for example, as conservative and wealthy.

If you know nothing about lighting design, you might not understand that a particular night club would have been easily understood as posh and expensive.

If you know nothing about ocean liner history, you probably wouldn’t know that someone was taking a trip on the most expensive and glamorous ship in the world at that time, and, because they drove a modest, older car, this trip was a symbol of serious outlay of money & desire.

It’s the sort of thing we take for granted in film, t.v., etc. set in our own time, but the Time will come – as it always does – when few viewers can make instantaneous connections between what they’re seeing and what it is meant to represent.

I think that’s interesting.

Think about it.  You’re watching a comedy, but you have no clue that the car being driven by our main character is seen as a tacky, cheap, unreliable piece of laughable crap.  For all you know, it’s a Rolls Royce.  You ARE at a disadvantage.

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“Would you be interested in a 1936 autopsy table?”

January 28, 2011 by Ronn Ives, under Uncategorized.

Normally, I’m pretty cool about items that pop up in my available-antiques day. Seldom is it a Corot painting, Dali etching, or Rohde sofa. But, you see, I worked in a hospital…

 

One of the job performances expected of me was to give the autopsy room a nightly scrub-n-mop. The autopsy specialist’s name was – no joke – Dr. Cutter. And, Dr. Cutter always left the room a bloody mess… right onto the ceiling, baby. It was his “signature”, you could say.
I never met the man. It wasn’t so much his profession as his style that scared me. This was about the time I began considering cremation.
It was creepy enough to work the 11 pm to 7 am shift with an assorted crew of oddballs, when, as a temporary college drop-out at the fragile age and ego of twenty during the culturally tumultuous year of 1970, I had to wear a short-hair wig to hide my long hair. What pushed me to the edge of the edge was the autopsy room. Even this was too close to Viet Nam… a stainless steel and porcelain Viet Nam as far as I was concerned. “The horror…”

 

One of the veterans of the dark shift told me – the New Recruit – a story:

 

“There was this guy who got a job here on the night shift cuz a buddy of his was on the crew and helped him get on too. So, the first night they decided to have fun with the new guy, you know, break him in? So, one of the crew went down to the autopsy room and got up on the autopsy table and threw a sheet over himself, right? Then the new guy’s buddy took him down there to show him the place, and when they got near the body that was under the sheet, that guy on the slab popped up !!!! but the new guy freaked, grabbed a surgical knife, and stabbed the guy to death!!!!!!! NOT a good joke, man, NOT a good joke…”

 

I swear it was this same night, as I walked a long, dark, and silent underground hallway from one building to another, I saw my boss – “Bill”, a wirey old coot with a flat top hairbuzz and clackity false teeth – alone in a nursing classroom talking quietly with the “female” resuscitation dummy…
The horror…

 

I was ONLY twenty! I was only then getting a few solid hints about how the world really worked, and this stuff added even more spin to my dizzying debates.
At the opposite end of the long, dark, silent underground hallway was another building – segregated from the larger, public hospital. This one held the Viet Nam veterans who had lost one or more of their precious parts and beliefs. We had jobs to do over there, but it was another planet.

 

That could be said by everyone about that entire stinking era…
It was the place of Limbo. It held lost souls so damaged I did not speak. It felt risky or disrespectful to utter a word. The thick, hopeless sadness was overwhelming. The huge plastic garbage bags needing removal were always full of hypodermic needles, messed diapers, and ooze-stained gauze.
I don’t have interesting, quirky stories about that building. I was too young to find a perspective. My friends and I were too close to Viet Nam to have a sense of wonder or humor about it. This was the most tragic place I frequented in my first twenty years.
So, THESE are the flashbacks that rushed me right along with the offer of the 1936 table. I need at least 24 hours to consider the table without all my baggage.

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Bird Listening

December 12, 2010 by Ronn Ives, under Larger Forces at Work, Uncategorized.

 

 

It’s COLD and WINDY today.  I’m trying to stay inside (I do feel better than yesterday), and I’ve put off a few errands, but it was time for me to distribute the Civic League newsletters.  I’m the Block Captain.  Pat’s the Secretary and one of the photographers.  I make it to most of the meetings, but few of the Civic events – since they are held on days and at times I’m usually at work.  None the less, it’s cold and windy, and it was time to walk around and deliver the newsletters to each mailbox.

I like walking, though the cold was making my nose run.  I like listening to the area.  It is alive with sounds.  Dry leaves bounce and rattle down the street.  Crows caw at one another from one leafless tree to another.  Starlings scream in unison.  They do EVERYTHING in unison.  They are the Ants of the bird world.  Robins give out occasional, individual chirps, but they generally keep quiet during the work to survive.  The Mockingbirds, even when it’s not nesting/breeding season, are aggressive and possessive about “their” current zone of residence.  They fight – a lot.  They can usually convince a Hawk – with that very serious beak and set of talons – to move on to other airspace.  I see Mockingbirds as the Crazies of Bird World.  Doves, on the other hand, try to not be noticed.  Owls stay out of view, but no one is stupid enough to forget they’re there.  Hawks usually hang so high in the air you don’t notice them. 

That’s the idea. 

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Lord of the Flies in the Suburbs

August 13, 2010 by Ronn Ives, under Uncategorized.

Morality.  Ethics.  Rules.  Suggestions.

 

 

When it comes to the moral standards of a culture, one point that immediately comes to mind is the fact that there have been countless “absolutes” over the recorded history of humans – each culture just as certain as the next they held The Truths, even when contradictory at that time, not to mention by comparison to other eras or places. This in itself neutralizes any solidity for The Absolute Truth According to Humans.
So, just for fun, let’s say that one percent of the “Truths” have a fighting chance of holding up under the scrutiny of our Big, Earthly, Historical Picture. What are they? I have one that might withstand the pressure. What is it? (Keep in mind the term “survival”):

 

Morality is a construct of convenience.

 

And, any Rule of Morality can be taken to an extreme that then defines Immorality, which then means the Rule has been reduced to uselessness. For example: Three humans remain alive in the world. One man, two women. The man is married to one of these two women. His wife becomes sterile from an infection. To continue the species, the married man must have successful sex with the other woman. But, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY! Do they allow the species to end or continue on? Which is the higher “moral” position?

Taken to the extreme, most morality looks idiotic to all but those who have an obsessive fetish with word play. For example, it’s convenient to say public nakedness is “immoral” – if you live in a cold environment. Nakedness in Siberia isn’t immoral, it’s stupid and suicidal! None the less, if the Russian man visits the Amazonian jungle, an adjustment will again be required for the sake of his Survival… Strip!  Morality has foundations in climate and tribal strength. If 200,000 men and women remain alive in the world, well… maybe we can afford to let the stupid man freeze to death… he’ll become a lesson for the younger ones.  Morality provides guidelines within specific conditions. Conditions change over place and time. We have no serious control over those facts.

“Humans don’t eat humans.” Tell THAT to the Donner Party or the millions of starving people in Nazi concentration camps. This never seems to be discussed “openly” but the WWII camp Liberators found fresh bite and chew marks on fresh corpses also missing limbs. The implications were (and are) clear.

 

Morality is a set of necessary guidelines – STRONG SUGGESTIONS disguised as absolute truths. You’re right to think we – us, here, now – cannot agree on their boundaries, but this is a LUXURY of our current physical and social circumstances. The fewer luxuries gifted a group, the clearer the Truths and the faster they arise.

 

A parent has children. They are starving. The parent steals food from a store. THOU SHALT NOT STEAL!!?  Existentialism wins out. Lesser rules get thrown out the cultural window.  Culture is a very thin pane of glass.

 

Cultural Darwinism.

 

Life demands Survival above all else. Survival is the physical Absolute Truth, and it has a hierarchy: survival of the individual, the mate, the family unit, the tribe, the region, the nation, the united nations, the planetary species. Survival is the strongest “moral” position in the world despite any doubts or luxurious debates we may concoct. THAT is a “moral reality”. Everything else is icing. Parlor chat. Wigs. Breast implants. Devices to segregate or integrate people for other purposes (normally the acquisition of power).

P.S. – On the other side of the coin, and not included in this discussion: SPIRIT does not demand Survival since it cannot be destroyed. It is outside of this and all other debates.

 

 

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For my Father

May 31, 2010 by Ronn Ives, under Uncategorized.

Memorial Day 2010
For my Father, who never heard me say these things.
I’m going to keep this short and simple:
When younger, I was opposed to War because it was not Peace. That’s how simple it was in my younger brain. When I encountered a thought hinting it was more complex – one that could challenge my shallow, slogan-laden philosophies – I would dodge it with intrinsically weak and defensive (and, to be fair, hopeful) comebacks. It worked (for me), but only for awhile.
The FACT is, if people before me hadn’t been willing to face the horrors of defending their present and my future, this moment of freedom would not be available to us. THIS moment right HERE. NOW.
Today is NOT the day to debate WHICH wars were more and less righteous. Today IS about the people who took orders, fought, were maimed & killed, were left with a lifetime of nightmares & disabilities, and who gave their All….. who I respect and honor for their efforts.

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