November 24, 2007 by Ronn Ives, under Fear of Antiques.
Antiques Deficit Disorder
How to identify a Carrier of A.D.D.:
- Always wears the latest, newest, mall/boutique-bought fashion.
- Always has a concerned, “Am I acceptable?” look on his/her face.
- Wants to buy a new car every year.
- Believes the latest toothpaste and tampon ARE new and improved.
- Hair, fake hair, and fingernails are changed once a month, minimum.
- Privately worries about ability to maintain these budgetary demands.
- (You get the idea.)
Resulting personal problems of the A.D.D. person:
- Over-extension of budget.
- Hyper-tension in pre-social scenarios.
- Hyper-tension in social scenarios.
- Hyper-tension in post-social scenarios.
- Excessive acquisition of fashionable objects, and excessive removal of out-of-fashion objects.
- Desperate need to belong in and to every group and movement of the moment. This will change on a monthly basis.
Those to benefit from the victims of A.D.D.:
- The Shopping Channel
- Fund raisers
- Thrift stores
- Flea marketeers
- Dumpster divers
- and eventually: Antiques dealers
Those who involuntarily share the curse of A.D.D. with the victim:
- Younger siblings (hand me downs)
- The main income earner (hand it overs)
- The Carrier’s friends, who always appear “awkward” (out of fashion) to the A.D.D. Afflicted.
How to spot the person WITHOUT Antiques Deficit Disorder (never had it or has been cured of it) (and there IS hope):
- They’re happy.
- They love history, design thought, philosophy, art, their favorite shirt, their reliable car, their wise investments in antiques, their home (not house, not “the place they stay”), and they know the difference between fashion and good design.
- They’re curious AND satisfied.
- They’re STILL happy.
If you know anyone with this devastating, painful, often culturally contagious disease, please – PLEASE – help them. If you LOVE them, TAKE THEM ANTIQUING – before it’s too late! God Bless you.