July 16, 2011 by Ronn Ives, under The Antiques, Design and Art World.
List the Top Ten worst items of clothing you’ve actually CHOSEN to wear:
Brown wide-wale corduroy bell bottomed pants.
Fire engine red corduroy bell bottomed pants.
Maroon with vertical white pinstripes bell bottomed denim jeans.
Navy blue with big bright yellow polka dots sports shirt.
My big, cast metal, fake German “Iron Cross” medal that had a California surfer dude riding a wave across it.
I had two paisley sport shirts. They were equally bad. I call them one mistake.
My army surplus green wool over-shirt with onto which I added magic marker lettering: “LAGNAF”. Don’t ask. Please. I was testing to see if this would get me thrown out of school. It took them a couple of weeks, but they did toss me.
My John Lennon black corduroy cap.
White jockey shorts. Tightie Whities.
Turtle neck shirt-“dickies” under translucent white sport shirts.
(As you might be able to deduce, 1965-67 was my personal fashion nightmare. I again wince. All of the above is true.)
TOP TEN WORST NATIONAL TEE-VEE ADS OF ALL TIME:
“I want to teach the world to sing” Coca Cola ads.
Any of the Happy Crapping Bear Family-in-the-Woods wipe-with-fewer-sheets ads for whichever toilette paper company that is.
Any of the cutie pie fluffy puppy ads for the company hawking the “Oh Gee! Be-careful-with-your-delicate-ass” toilette paper.
The manly hair dye ads where the sports commentators watch the GRAY haired pickup man in the bar get shot down by the buxom chick – so he goes away, dyes his hair, and returns to immediately score with the same dumb pair of blonde boobs. A one-nighter made in Loser Heaven.
The menstruation blood-absorbing pads that fly around like birds because they have “panty wings”. I’ll take Hitchcock’s birds over these anyday.
All McDonald’s fast food ads with that perv Ronald McDonald. I wouldn’t let MY grand kids anywhere NEAR him.
Couples who find God, all His Peace, and His Carnival Fun Ride because one of them swallowed Viagra.
The Dad who tells his kids to listen to Rice Krispies because they “talk”. Dad’s not just insipid, he’s clinically “special K”.
ALL political endorsement ads.
Charlie the Tuna ads. Uh, you’re feeling REJECTED because someone didn’t KILL and EAT you???? Charlie, do you attend the SAME school as Special K Dad?